#finally some good fucking food -vix

[artificialqueens]

Together We Make Three Part 2 (AAA Girls) - Albatross

AN: Finally got the second part finished! Hope you all like it. Honestly, if it weren’t for hearing you guys say you wanted something with the AAA Girls I’m not sure this second half ever would have gotten written.

The shows went on as planned and while Alaska struggled at first to find a sense of normalcy with the others, she eventually managed to settle back into her familiar, comfortable relationship with them. Neither Courtney or Willam officially confirmed what the exact nature of their relationship was to her, but she felt confident she had a good idea of what was going on behind closed doors with them. Or at least what would be going had they not been on tour. The constant traveling from venue to venue provided little opportunity for true privacy for the girls. Beyond the cramped tour bus during the day, the girls were sharing rooms at night in an effort to cut down on excessive hotel costs. To their credit, Courtney and Willam did keep up appearances by following a rotation of who would share a bed with who when a single room was booked but once inside Alaska still noticed little things that the rest of the crew was unlikely to ever see. Whenever the two were set to share a bed, unfailingly in the morning Alaska would find them curled around each other in such a tight embrace they could have fit into a twin-sized bed without any lack of space. On the nights where she was sleeping with one of them, the two would always face each other on the parallel mattresses and talk until they fell asleep. It was cute, Alaska had to admit, but that did nothing to dull the pain in her chest when she saw them lost in their own world. That’s not to say they actively excluded her from anything but still…she couldn’t help but feel a bit like an outsider looking in on something she would never be a part of.

The most recent leg of their tour had brought the girls overseas for a short European stint before returning them back home for their final two weeks of shows. Tonight was unusual from the rest of their run in that they did not have any gigs scheduled for that day or tomorrow. Sure there had been an interview earlier when they first arrived in the city and a quick meet and greet set up for the next day, but the rest of the time was theirs and they were able to fully enjoy the area for once.

For tonight’s hotel arrangement, Courtney was set to have the queen sized bed all to herself while Willam and Alaska shared the king. Unsurprisingly, Courtney was eating a late night snack in bed and chatting with Willam as he laid on his stomach and lazily flipped through the channels for anything decent to watch. Alaska herself was taking advantage of the short reprieve from traveling and was carefully cleaning her makeup supplies. As each piece appeared clean and ready for a fresh use, she placed it back in its designated spot in her makeup tote. Once everything was reorganized and in its proper location, she set the tote on the ground in front of the bedside nightstand and relaxed back against the headboard. Between the skipping sentences on the TV and the other girls’ rapid conversation, Alaska noticed that one of the phones charging on the nearby outlet was vibrating. Leaning over from her reclined position, she elbowed Willam lightly in the ribs and informed him, “Phone’s buzzing.”

Almost immediately, he sat up and scrambled over to check his phone on their shared nightstand. To Alaska’s utter indignation, that seemed to mean him practically sitting in her lap as he refused to disconnect the phone from the power cord before reviewing the text. He seemed completely unaware of her discomfort as he balanced himself over her leg and scrolled through his cell before finally announcing, “Nothing important,” and placing the phone back in its original position.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when he finally took notice of the younger queen’s expression.

Alaska stared hard at him but when he gave no indication of even registering why his place in her lap should be awkward, she gave an exasperated sigh. “Notice something off with this…position?” she asked sardonically as she motioned between their two bodies with her hand. Blankly, Willam stared down at where he was currently sitting before the realization finally caught up with him. With a smirk, he repositioned his legs to properly straddle her hips on either side and lifted her chin up gently. “Yeah…you should be on top,” was his smooth reply. Her face was burning bright as he lowered his lips down to ghost over hers and said softly, “We can fix that…”

Before Alaska could even muster the brainpower to begin thinking of a response, she found their positions reversed and her body was now precariously leveraged just inches above the sandy blonde’s. As she stared down at the smaller queen beneath her, she felt him press a faint kiss to her lips and guide her hand down to rest on his waist. Her heart was pounding as she tested the waters by slowly slipping her fingers beneath the fabic of his tank top to trace hesitantly over his warm skin. Willam bit his lower lip briefly at the contact and Alaska could hear his breathing getting heavier as she timidly ran her fingertips along the hem of his sweatpants. His reactions to the simplest touch took her breath away and all she wanted to do was draw out every little noise or moan that could possibly be contained in his body. She wanted to hear him pleading for more as he was reduced putty in her hands. She wanted to see him completely lose his composure as she pushes her way inside him, bringing him to edge and back, over and over again until he’s just about ready to go insane…She wants them to have what he and Courtney have…

Oh, fuck…Courtney.

The thought of the other queen had her frozen in place. What was she doing? Was she really making a move on one of her best friends?

An internal war was brewing inside Alaska’s head and clouding her thoughts to everything around her. But like a light shining through the clouds; Willam’s hand on her face drew her attention back to something clear she could focus on. He delicately brushed away her bangs so that he could look her square in the eye and whispered compliantly, “You can do whatever you want…”

A lump quickly formed in her throat at his words and she clumsily scrambled to sit herself upright. This was too much! How did she allow herself to get caught in this fucked up mess? She could feel her eyes starting to sting as she clutched her hands to her chest in a useless effort to slow down her racing heart. The entire situation was quickly becoming an overwhelming sea of emotion that threatened to drown her any second. Then like a perfectly timed life-saver being thrown around her; she felt a comforting hand placed on her upper arm. Alaska’s head guiltly snapped up to see Courtney standing beside her with an affectionate smile. “She means it you know…” Courtney said softly, “…do you want to?”

Alaska stared dumbfounded at the blonde and then down to Willam who seemed to be holding his breath as he awaited her response. Her lip was trembling as she admitted, “Y-Yes…”

Willam quietly released a relieved sigh and Courtney’s smile grew just a tad wider as she asked gently, “What do you want to do first?”

The question hit Alaska like a bucket of cold water. Her immediate thought was ‘Everything! Anything!’ but she found she couldn’t vocalize a single, precise action. She felt like a deer caught in headlights and could barely manage a stuttered, “I-I don’t know…”

“Why don’t you start with a kiss and see where that goes?” Courtney encouraged.

Alaska nodded absently as Willam sat himself upright again and leaned in towards Alaska. He tenderly turned her face back to his and asked, “Is this alright?”

“Yeah,” Alaska said breathlessly as Willam’s thumb ran over her cheek. His smile was the last thing she saw before their lips connected in a delicate dance and her eyes slid shut. It was hard to describe exactly how the kiss felt. On one hand Willam was so careful with her; careful not to push her too fast, careful when cupping her face, careful even when climbing back into her lap. On the other, there was so much passion lurking behind each touch. The same electricity from before was still present in everything Willam did. As Alaska became more relaxed and pulled Willam in closer, he saw that as an approval to lose himself in the kiss. It was only after air became an issue that he allowed himself to be detached from her in any way.

There was just enough time for Alaska to catch her breath before she felt Courtney tilting her chin up to capture her lips herself. The kiss was brief but served its purpose. As Courtney pulled away, Alaska could feel her cheeks heating up once more and stared at her in astonishment. “You too?” she asked in complete shock.

“Look who finally got it,” Courtney laughed.

“About time,” Willam muttered as he placed random kisses up and down Alaska’s neck.

“How long have you…?” It was hard to thinking with Willam’s lips roaming over her skin but she had to ask.

“Quite awhile now…almost as long as Willam honestly…” she admitted with a sheepish grin.

Alaska glanced down at Willam for more information but he was not so subtly avoiding her look and focused instead on leaving a trail of kisses from her jugular up to the sensitive skin just below her ear. “Why don’t we save the Q and A for later, huh?” he offered between rough licks and soft nips over her weak spot. She let out an affirmatory noise as she tightened her grip on his waist and thrust her hips ever so slightly to get just a tiny bit of release. Her lower lip was caught in her teeth to muffle a small whine as she felt her skin being worked into a bitch of a bruise.

“Hey, don’t hide it…I want to hear you…” Courtney chided as she gazed deep into her glazed over eyes.

Her head felt like it was spinning out of control and the best she could manage was a weak nod, not trusting herself to form a proper sentence. She needed more friction, more contact, more anything.

“P-Please Court…” she whispered hoarsely.

Quickly the blonde’s lips covered hers in a passionate, needy kiss. Unlike Willam, who border lined on romantic during their lip lock; Courtney did not hold anything back. She was greedy and possessive in claiming Alaska’s mouth and something about that in contrast to her earlier actions just made the situation so much more intense. Usually Alaska would tower over other girls and almost felt a sort of power in that but tonight Willam and Courtney were the ones in control of her and the submissive position of being trapped between the two queens offered an entirely new level of excitement.

As Courtney kept her mouth occupied, Alaska began slipping her fingers around the waistband of Willam’s pants. He was now freely grinding against her but seemed to have no inclination to assist in removing his clothes. Alaska groaned in frustration and broke the kiss in order to focus on removing the offending fabric. She had barely worked it down an inch before Courtney’s hand on her wrist stopped both of the queens’ movements. “Tonight’s gonna be all about you,” she told Alaska, “I’ll take care of getting her ready, okay?”

Her mouth went dry as she gave a small nod and released the hem of the pants from her grip. She watched with wide eyes as Courtney whispered to Willam to strip while she searched for condoms and lube in his suitcase. To Alaska’s surprise, he immediately slipped off the bed to comply with Courtney’s directions without so much as a sarcastic noise or eye roll. Though he didn’t make any particular show of removing his clothes, for Alaska it still felt like she was watching her own private strip tease. Willam seemed to sense her eyes on him and glanced back at her with a flirty smirk. “See something you like?” he teased as he sauntered back in front of Alaska.

“Y-Yeah,” she choked out. She hated how needy and desperate her voice sounded but it was hard not to feel weak around that near perfect body. His skin was perfectly tanned and his muscles were toned just the right amount. He looked like he was made to be admired in bed.

“You know, this usually works a lot better when everyone loses their clothes,” he reminded her as he hovered over her and gently ran his fingers through her hair. Feeling just a bit more bold, Alaska replied back, “You gonna help me then or are you all talk?”

Sliding her shirt over her head, Willam shot back with a smirk, “Well, I am known for running my mouth…”

“And for offering it…” Courtney muttered with an eye roll as she finally found the supplies she’d been searching for. Her comment was left either unheard or ignored as the other queens reconnected their lips and worked on separating Alaska from her remaining clothing. The task was delayed as Willam insisted on crowding Alaska back into the mattress and climbing over top of her. The two seemed to devolve back into horny teenagers with their frenzied clutching at each other’s bodies trying leave as little space as possible between their bare skin. Alaska’s hand found its way to Willam’s hair and entangled itself tightly in his curls while her other slipped into the small of his back and kept him flush against her. As for Willam, he at least attempted to help work the last few clothes off her body but his fingers kept taking detours to trace over every inch of skin they could reach.

Courtney watched them going at it with an amused smile for a minute or so before she made her way back to the side of the bed and licked a light trail from Willam’s tailbone up to Alaska’s hand. He shuddered at the sensation and drew back from Alaska’s mouth just enough to take in a sharp gasp. “Fuck, Court! A little warning next time!”

“What’s the fun in that? It’s not often I get to catch you by surprise,” she replied back with a smirk. “Besides, I thought we ought to get this show moving along, if that’s alright with the both of you.”

Both Willam and Courtney glanced towards Alaska and waited for her response. Though it was plain to see they both were eager, it was still unexplored territory to include a third person, much less someone they genuinely cared for. The last thing either of them wanted to do was make her of all people feel uncomfortable or forced to participate in something that didn’t feel 100% right. Alaska didn’t need them to verbalize those thoughts; it was written clearly on their faces as they patiently stared down at her. Her heart felt warm and light as she told them firmly, “Yes.”

Courtney leaned past Willam to press a quick kiss to her lips and said, “If you change your mind at any point, just say the word and we’ll stop.”

“No questions asked,” Willam reiterated.

Alaska smiled up brightly at them and gave Courtney another small peck before she drew back. “Can you lift up your hips a little?” she asked as she lightly tapped on Alaska’s outer thigh. Immediately, her hips were in the air and the other girl wasted no time in stripping off her pants and underwear. Courtney let out an appreciative murmur as she ran a finger along Alaska’s exposed length and mused, “Mm…Bill’s gonna love having this inside her…” before beginning to coat her fingers in lube.

Alaska did her best to suppress a shiver at the statement but nothing could be done to hide her flushed cheeks. Willam took notice and pressed his smirk to Alaska’s ear and whispered, “You know I will…I can’t wait to feel every inch of you sliding into me…taking me so hard I’ll be bruised into next week…Bet you’ll make me scream too. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Screaming your name so loud the whole damn city hears…maybe someone’ll even ask during the meet and greet. They’ll beg to know who was topping me so hard I can’t even sit without flinching..and when they hear it’s you? God, they’ll fucking lose their shit…It’ll be on everyone’s lips before the camera’s flash goes off.”

Alaska’s breath hitched and knew she must be as red as a cherry. It certainly didn’t help when Courtney scolded him mildly, “Don’t tease her, you cunt.”

“Why not? She looks so cute with that blush.” To accentuate her point, Willam traced her fingers over Alaska’s cheek, her signature smirk growing wider as the hue darkened. “I’d love to how deep that goes-”

Anything Willam might have followed up with was cut off as Courtney applied a steady pressure of her finger against Willam’s hole and slowly pushed her way in. Knowing her game, Willam glared back at her with a silent command to move faster. Courtney of course ignored the demand and taunted her, “Since you enjoy teasing so much, I thought I’d repay the favor.”

“Bitch,” he quipped back doing his best to hide the waver in his voice as she added a second finger but maintained the snail-like pace.

“Play nice and so will I,” Courtney warned.

“Fine,” Willam muttered through gritted teeth as he rested his head against Alaska’s shoulder. Automatically she found herself running her hand in soothing circles across his lower back as he grew used to the scissoring motion inside of him. She could feel the sweat beading on his forehead as he took in deep, precise breaths to convince his muscles to relax. Slowly his body melted into hers and if she focused hard enough she could hear little whines and mewls catching themselves in his throat.

Courtney caught her eye as she pulled out for another coating of lube and darted her gaze meaningfully towards Willam. “She trying to hide them?” she asked knowingly.

“Mh-mm,” Alaska replied with a smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Courtney told her, “She always does that…but I know how to work them out of her.”

“Shut up!” Willam called out, partially muffled by his lips skimming across Alaska’s skin. “I’m right here, you know!”

“Then you know we want to hear you,” Courtney shot back in a sickeningly sweet voice as she teased Willam’s entrance once more.

“No,” he said firmly.

Joining in on the fun, Alaska told him in the same mocking tone he used earlier, “But you sound so cute…”

He pulled back to glare at her but the instant he opened his mouth all that escaped was a desperate whine as Courtney slid three fingers inside him and went back to work opening him up. As their eyes connected, Alaska saw the fight draining out of him until all that remained was a hazy lust-filled look that was further accentuated by the shallow intakes of air he took. Taking advantage of the momentary silence, Alaska leant close to his ear and taunted him by asking, “No response? I expected more from you…”

Clutching at her shoulders in an effort to retain some control over himself, he gasped, “Fuck…all the way off. Just wait till she’s doing this to you.”

She almost shuddered at the thought but right now the way Willam was trying his damnedest not to lose it held the majority of her attention. For each thrust inside him, his mouth parted just a little wider with every gasp until nothing could be done to muffle his breathy calls of their names. Courtney kept her pace until he was eagerly rocking his hips back into her and sweat dripped across his skin as he struggled to keep himself from coming apart completely under her touch. Taking the cue, Courtney withdrew and tossed the condom wrapper and lube next to Alaska for whenever they felt ready to continue.

Carefully pushing both herself and Willam into a seated position, Alaska placed her hand over the condom and asked if he was ready. Willam nodded his head feverishly and practically snatched the wrapper from beneath her fingers as he crashed his lips back to hers for a minute. She could feel the need emanating from every pore of his body as he took charge of rolling the condom down her length and applied a final layer of lube.

Positioning himself over her member, he slowly slid himself down until their hips were flush against each other. Alaska watched his face contort in pleasure as each inch disappeared inside him and was left a shaky, trembling mess in her lap. It was hard to tell if he was even looking at anything properly as his eyes glazed over and his grip on her shoulder became tight enough she was sure she’d see bruising tomorrow. He buried his head into the crook of her neck and placed a distracted kiss to her skin. Alaska could feel the heat of his breath as he begged, “Please…please, 'Laska. Move.”

She faltered, concerned about hurting him by moving so soon, but complied as Courtney gave her a nod of affirmation. Very carefully, she wrapped her hands around his hips and gave a shallow thrust. When he seemed to be alright with the action, she slowly built momentum and soon found him joining in the motion. It only took a short amount of time before his thighs began shaking and he was gasping her name into her ear. Nothing could persuade him to loosen his grip on Alaska’s shoulders as he overtook the taller queen and set to work creating a faster pace. They were nearly in time with one another but the position made it difficult for them to fully compliment each other’s movements. As Willam whispered out that he was getting closer, Alaska decided to remedy the situation and take back control for herself.

She steadied Willam’s hips, ignoring his confused and resistant behavior as she slipped from inside him and whispered a forceful command to lay on his back. To her mild shock, he quickly got into position without a word, almost in the same manner as a puppy eager to please it’s owner. Making a note to herself to question that aspect later, Alaska recaptured his lips, swallowing back the moans he released as she re-entered him. She wrapped his legs around her and soon set a punishing pace to leave him a writhing mess beneath her. His neck was arching with every graze against his prostate and Alaska took advantage of that as a chance to mark his skin much in the same manner as he had done to her. Her nails dug into his hips but he didn’t seem to notice or care as he wrapped a hand around his cock and pumped in sync with her thrusts.

All too soon he was cumming over his hand and stomach, crying out her name so loud it’d be a wonder if no one else in the hall had heard them. Alaska made sure to draw out his orgasm as much as possible until his moans died out into fading whimpers and slowly withdrew from him, discarding the condom off to the side as he worked to get his breathing under control. His hair looked like a beautiful tangled mess of curls splayed out against the bedding and his eyes held a dazed look as a content grin spread across his face. He was still panting as he pulled Alaska in for a sloppy kiss before shifting his gaze to the other bed where Courtney sat watching with keen interest.

“Quite a show you two put on,” she complimented as she made her way to the edge of the other bed and captured Willam’s lips for brief peck.

“Jealous?” Willam mocked, complete with an over the top Australian accent to match Courtney’s.

Rolling her eyes, Courtney smirked and placed her mouth over Alaska’s for a domineering lip lock that left her almost as breathless as Willam had been. “I think you and I could do better,” she cooed into Alaska’s ear. Running a hand over Alaska’s thigh, she asked, “What do you say?”

Alaska found herself nodding rapidly before a proper thought even formed in her head and begun to move back from Willam. “Stay,” Courtney commanded in a tone Alaska could hardly believe came from the same person.

“Ooh, front row seats,” Willam smirked, send a quick wink to Alaska. Tracing his fingers across her cheek, he murmured, “You’re gonna look so beautiful when you’re wrecked.”

Alaska was at a loss for words, mouth hanging slightly open as she tried to think of anything to say back. Failing to find any sort of response, she simply crashed her lips against Willam’s and waited as she heard Courtney stripping off her clothes beside them. Only a short time passed before she felt the bed shifting with additional weight and Courtney’s hand was tracing across her lower back. “Ready?” she asked softly.

“Please,” she gasped out.

Alaska swore she could almost hear Courtney smiling as she flipped open the tube of lubricant once more and spread a generous coating over her fingers. “Hands and knees,” she whispered.

Quickly complying to the demand, Alaska found herself in almost the same position as the one that had started the whole adventure. Almost hesitantly, she found Courtney pressing the first finger outside her entrance and slowly slipping inside her. Once she had stopped, Alaska released a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in and leant down to kiss Willam as Courtney began moving inside her. It all felt so routine as Courtney added in a second finger that Alaska hardly noticed a difference until the third finger was pressed outside her hole. The moment it was inside and Courtney resumed her stretching motion, Alaska felt like her body was slowly being consumed by a raging bonfire.

Her vision seemed to blur as pleasure overtook her senses and just vaguely she felt Willam’s fingers gliding across her chest. “Knows what she’s doing, huh?” he asked with a slight laugh in his voice.

“Yeah,” she gasped out.

Unlike Willam, she had no problem letting any noise escape past her lips and it certainly had its affect on Courtney. If anything, she encouraged Alaska to be louder with each skillful brush against her walls. She felt like she was barely holding it together when she felt Willam’s mouth over hers once again. Grateful for the distraction, she allowed herself to become lost in the kiss as Courtney seemed intent on drawing out her preparation. By the time the older queen seemed content with her work and pulled her fingers out; Alaska felt like a hot mess, whining audibly at the loss, completely disregarding how desperate she must look.

“Calm down,” the Aussie teased as opened her own condom wrapper, “Gonna take care of you in just a minute.”

Willam turned Alaska’s face back to hers and promised, “Totally worth the wait, trust me.”

Alaska nodded her head absently and took in a short gasp of air as she felt Courtney lining up with her entrance. Her hands gripped at the sheets as Courtney gradually pushed her way in until their hips fully met one another. Running a hand over Alaska’s waist, she waited until she felt the tension leaving her partner’s body before she began moving. Her movements was tentative at first, clearly concerned about hurting the younger queen, but once she heard the whining and felt her thrusts being eagerly matched by Alaska, she swiftly got to work building up a break neck pace.

Sooner than Alaska would ever admit, she was like a rag doll in the Aussie’s hands, taking everything she was willing to give and still begging for more. She loved the feeling of reckless abandon that Courtney exuded, especially when combined with her casually observant nature. Anything that produced a stronger than normal reaction, Courtney made sure to repeat ten-fold. She was both rough and gentle with Alaska as she laid claim to the other’s body. She handled her with care, almost but never using quite enough force to leave any marks. That was a key difference between her and Willam; Courtney would make sure she’d never lose the memory of how she made her feel, while Willam made sure she’d be reminded every time she looked at her body. He loved to leave scratch and bite marks, even if sometimes it was unintentional. He wanted to be sure that every encounter would not be easily forgotten.

And it certainly didn’t seem like he’d be forgetting about this showcase anytime soon. He watched intently as Alaska fell apart under Courtney’s touch, so close she could barely form a warning between her broken moans and cries. Always one to help, Willam pulled Alaska down to reconnect their lips and wrapped her hand around the other queen’s dripping length. Alaska very nearly whimpered at the contact but any noise she might have made was eagerly swallowed by Willam who wasted no time in licking his way into her mouth. The show of dominance from both queens was too much for Alaska and shortly after she found herself exploding over Willam’s hand and stomach to join his own mess from earlier. After just a few more thrusts, Courtney followed suit, releasing into Alaska with a breathy moan of her name. After taking a moment to calm herself down, she carefully slipped out of Alaska and pulled off the used condom. Knowing the others were far more worn out than she was, Courtney took charge of organizing the clean up and climbed out of the bed in search of washcloths.

Nearly the same moment that Courtney’s weight left the mattress, Alaska collapsed onto the bedding next to Willam, panting like a dog in the summer as a lazy smile stretched across her lips. Brushing aside her sweat slicked hair, Willam told her in an uncharacteristically sweet tone, “Knew you’d look beautiful afterwards.”

Rolling her eyes, Alaska pressed a soft kiss to Willam’s lips, breaking away just in time for Courtney to return with the washcloths. While Alaska wasted no time in cleaning herself off, Willam was more than eager to pull Courtney on top of him for their own long overdue kiss. The pair’s bodies melded together so well it was almost as though they were never meant to be separated. Watching them work so fluidly against each other created a little pang of envy in Alaska’s stomach but she pushed it aside as they broke apart in order to ask in a timid voice, “So we…we’re still going to talk about this tomorrow, right?”

Courtney’s attention was immediately on her even as she gave Willam a light tap on the arm when he groaned at the question. “She never was one to talk about her feelings,” Courtney explained apologetically as she gave a short yawn. “Took me forever to get her to admit she even has them. But yes, we are going to talk about it tomorrow….All of us,” she reiterated, sending a pointed stare at Willam.

The dirty blonde shot her dirty look but didn’t make any further comment on the matter. He simply gave himself perfunctory cleaning and wrapped his arms possessively around Courtney’s waist as she laid down between them. “Unless there was something you want to ask about before then?” Courtney inquired cautiously.

Sleepily shaking her head, Alaska let out a tiny yawn and grinned at the two of them. “Tomorrow’s fine,” she reassured them as she nestled close to their reclining bodies. “Too tired now.”

As Courtney pulled her in even closer, Alaska noticed a fond smile stretched across both queen’s lips. For the first time in months, she felt 100% content as she fell into a deep sleep curled into two of the people she cared about the most. She was certain that however the conversation would be started tomorrow, together the three would find perfect harmony with one another.

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter three

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, blood, bruising, sexual assault, sexual abuse, implied abuse, panic attacks, kissing (with consent)

Dear Evangeline,

Come take your sister's kid to live with you, just keep her father away. She's never been safe here and you know that.

Sincerely your other twin,

Candace

Dear Candy,

I already took her away from you twice, just send over her stuff.

Send her to me after she leaves the boarding school.

Sincerely Evangeline.

Dear Evangeline,

She tends to stay with friends over the summers and I wouldn't blame her, it's not like I wanted to hand her over to Frank.

Ask the kid yourself, I was pleading for him not to.

But she might not stay with you is my point. The Potters or Lupins if you get curious.

Sincerely your sister Candace ________________________________

" Y/n you're not coming this time."

" Remus-'

" No, I want you to stay with Pomfrey. You know why I don't want you to come good and well Y/n. Just sit there and wait for us to come back."

" But Re-'

" No."

She had been trying to tell him it was a Saturday. ________________________________

" y/n..."

The girl quickly turned and gasped at the sight of Remus.

The boy was barely even scathed.

He swiftly weaved through all the chairs and couches in the common room and came to a stop in front of Y/n before placing his hands on her hips and hugging her close.

" it worked again."

Sirius moved over to Y/n and plucked her body up and over his shoulder, frowning at the difference in weight.

The boys moved into their dorm and as Sirius sat Y/n down he saw her shirt pull up, revealing a collage of bruises in the shape of hands before realization dawned on his face and he pulled the shirt back down lightly and moved over to his bed.

" You're eating breakfast tomorrow or I'll tell Pomfrey you're skipping again."

" Asshole."

" Dipshit."

" Man-Whore."

" Bitch."

" Bloody rotten bastard."

" Dollface."

At the sound of those words the girl froze, her body stilling completely, eyes unblinking. Then, she clumsily stumbled out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

'Come on dollface, put that shirt on. I can't be having fun with you if we have guests.'

Remus immediately looked over to where Y/n had been, knowing exactly why she'd frozen up at the word. He swiftly jumped off his bed and moved out the door to find her, shoving Sirius on the way out.

Once Remus found the girl he cupped her face and shook her frail shoulders, noting how she winced at the contact and how she flinched as he came nearer.

Remus pulled her head to the crook of his neck as he did that night and started whispering condolences and sweet nothings.

Y/n knew where she was, she knew she had been with Remus. Yet she couldn't get his words out of her head.

'Keep still doll face or I'll make it hurt worse than it did in the mountains.'

She could smell the calming scene of Remus and she could feel the delicate trace of his abs against her chest as she sat pressed up against him where he held her, attempting to calm her rushing nerves and panicking brain.

Eventually Remus pulled off his cloak and wrapped it around Y/n, gently pulling her up from the ground. As they made it to the dorm room again Remus nudged the door open and Y/n waddled over to Remus's bed, still swaddled in his cloak, and laid in fetal position by the middle of it.

Before Remus went in he signaled Sirius to join him for a word outside. ________________________________

Monday they won,

Tuesday they paused,

Wednesday they partied.

It was just all too much. The noise, the people, the music, the drinking but most of all, the memories.

Y/n told Sirius and James she didn't want to attend the gryffindor house party but they just didn't listen. As the girl spun around in place her settings transformed, instead of being in the Gryffindor common room she was back at fucking-Frank's house and the closet with Chad.

The muscles in her chest tightened painfully as the reality sunk in. She was at work, bringing more beer and booze to fucking-frank and the other men. Her body was shaking and there were tears streaming down her face as she felt their hands on her body, she couldn't see anything but she could smell, and hear, and feel.

She could smell the alcohol all around her, hear the screaming, yelling and gently cooing of Fucking-Frank and the men, she could feel them slip her clothes off in one tug and she could feel her legs go limp beneath her feet.

Everything came crashing back into her and all she did was cry, struggle to breath, and cry. She hadn't even realized that she wasn't there, she didn't even know that she was still at school, in the gryffindor common room, all she knew was that she was scared.

She couldn't move without hurting, she couldn't hear without getting told to just stop bleeding, she couldn't watch without getting reminded of where she lived and who she lived with.

The only thing she could fluidly hear was his voice. A boys voice reaching out to her, telling her that it's alright, coaxing her back into the world, reminding her that what she was seeing wasn't real, that they couldn't hurt her anymore. Remus.

Remus was all she could focus on, Remus's voice was bringing her back; she was relying on Remus.

Y/n didn't even know when she got back or where she was, all she knew was that she was with Remus, in his arms, somewhere safe, and that he was holding her to his torso.

She didn't notice when the tears started falling but she soon found herself gripping unto his body and crying her heart out as if life depended on it. She did notice when he started to coo gently words into her ear and she felt his arms rock her gently.

She could smell the calming scent of home and warmth and safety and, just Remus himself, when she buried her face into his clothed chest with tears, she could hear his gentle voice convincing her that it was okay, that she was safe now, that he was there for her, she could feel his arms holding her body steady and could feel his head on hers.

She could feel Remus by her, she could hear Remus and she could even smell the sweet scent of him as well.

Eventually, her breathing calmed down and her tears dried, her grip on his shirt loosened and the sound of her sobs faded away. Remus still whispered sweet reassurances in her ears though. " you're safe now love, I've got you. There's no one to hurt you, no one can hurt you here." She pulled away and looked up at his face after calming down and he cupped her face with his hands, mouthing, it's gonna be okay.

She relaxed into the feeling of his palm on her face and leaned into his touch, eyes closing. Remus smiled softly at the girl and reached up to wipe her tears. When Y/n opened her eyes once more she placed her hand on the one Remus had to her face and held it there. He looked at the girl again.

" I love you so much..."

" I love you more Rem..."

He looked back at the young woman he was currently kneeling in front of and cupped her other cheek with his free hand. She looked back up at him. He soon found himself asking her the question, so softly she could hardly hear it,

" how could you love a guy like me? I'm a werewolf..." and she soon found herself answering in the same almost inaudible tone, " because you came to love me and my scars and I came to love you and yours..."

He couldn't hold himself back anymore and enveloped her in a kiss, which she thankfully returned almost immediately. When the two finally broke apart for air Y/n found herself lost in his eyes and Remus found his fingers lost in her hair.

When Y/n opened her eyes again after releasing Remus's face she took a moment to look around. Apparently he had taken her back up to the Mauraders dorm room and he was kneeling on the floor before her collapsed figure. " thankyou Remus..."

Remus pulled her back into his chest and rested his chin atop her head. " You wanna lay down and try to go to sleep Vix?" The girl in Remus's hold gently nodded and he stood up, carefully helping her to her feet.

The girl grasped onto his shoulder and bent down to take off her shoes. Afterwards she took off her cloak and Remus moved the bed sheets over so Y/n could lay down with him on the bed. As soon as Y/n moved under those covers next to him they both felt more at peace than they'd been in ages.

Y/n's body molded together with Remus's seamlessly and his simple touches to her back or stomach were easily perfect.

Eventually Y/n's breathing had began to find a rhythm and Remus noticed the soft whimpers she let out, her face buried in his chest as he held her in between is legs as he did only a year ago on the couch of his living room.

Remus tried to fall asleep yet all he could think about was what he had witnessed last Tuesday evening.

_____________________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food and remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^

[studiobeebo]

Hey Bee, super excited to see you writing again even if just for a bit! Might I be so bold as to ask for Hawks making breakfast in bed for reader? 🍳 I'd love some snuggly domestic fluff. Also, are people submitting pets? I'm not sure why or if it's a thing, but incoming pictures of my little bastard fur baby.

HHHHHHH VIX I HOPE THIS IS BETTER LATE THAN NEVER TY FOR REQUESTING MY FAV CHICKEN ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE BEEN INSPIRED TO WRITE FOR HIM  ALSO THANK U FOR SHOWING ME UR BASTARD

Hawks / Keigo Takami

Legally, even heroes amongst the top ranks were required to have days off. An unstable hero is an ineffective hero, after all. For a long time, however, days off were just that for Keigo: a necessary component to be the hero he was trained to be. It took him a while to see days off as most people saw it, a time to relax, even if those days off were usually interrupted in one way or another. Still, that never stopped him from dreaming of a world where he could have genuine free time to fill with whatever random shit he could think of, but for now he was making do with ‘enjoying the little things’, something that you had drilled into his brain when the two of you first started talking, and since then he’d had plenty of time to realize that you were one of his favorite ‘little things’ to enjoy.

He didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time with you, but over time you became one of the main factors in why he wanted to be done with the difficulty of hero work. He liked being with you, as cheesy as it sounded, and he found himself always hoping he’d have a little extra time in his day to swing by your place so the two of you could talk over lame late night sitcoms and some terribly unhealthy food.

The two of you never outright called your little get togethers ‘dates’ and you never even dared get into the conversation of finally calling it how it is and saying you were together, but compared to just about everything else in his life, the issue there wasn’t actually his job, it was just how the two of you were. Despite how cheeky and suave he liked to act, he could never really figure out the right way to go about this sort of thing. He mulled over the idea of just flat out asking or mentioned the two of you dating, he never had problems keeping other things to himself anyways so it sounded like the most natural way to go, but he could never bring himself to just say something. It never felt like the right time and to be fair, you could always be the one to say something too but you found yourself in the same dilemma. It seemed like the two of you were in a constant cycle of ‘Eh, I’ll just bring it up next time’, always assuming but never really realizing how much the other wanted to make things a bit more official.

So that’s how things went and have been going, the two of you dancing around the idea of just sharing your feelings and growing closer in the process. Even with work becoming more overbearing than ever, he still always managed to get lost in the way you made him feel the moment the two of you were together. You, on the other hand, spent your time excitedly wondering when he’d come by next, even going as far as to try and spend more evenings at home instead of out with friends just to heighten the chance of hanging out with him. Needless to say, you knew you were head over heels for that winged idiot and after weeks of consideration you finally decided on saving your confession for a few days before the upcoming White Day.

The idea was that, if he returned your feelings like you hoped he would, you’d then be able to get him a gift a few days later. Cliche maybe, but you figured that would make for an extra special anniversary if things ever happened to get that far. Plus, even if he rejected you, you figured at least that wouldn’t ruin the holiday for either of you.

Unlike you, Keigo really wasn’t that inept at the whole ‘think before you act’ thing in regards to relationships.

He wasn’t an idiot (well, not in this regard) and he knew he had insane hots for you at this point and since his idea of just casually dropping that he wanted to be with you wasn’t coming to fruition, he figured he’d try to do something a little more structured and came up with what he thought was a fantastic idea.

Valentine’s Day was romantic, right? So what better day to confess his feelings? He didn’t bother worrying about the whole ‘what if you say no’ thing and instead started thinking about what he could do to make it less lame than ‘hey we should go out for real’. He started paying more mind to couples he’d see out and about while patrolling and even would watch any of the seasonal abundance of romance movies that he’d pass by while scrolling through television channels when he had the time, but everything he saw seemed a bit too romantic and totally not his style. He wanted to do something sweet but a bit more laid back and with no other thoughts in mind, after some time he finally settled on the classic act of breakfast in bed.

Of course in his plans he sort of omitted a few things that tend to make ‘breakfast in bed’ a special thing, the first being that, well..he didn’t know how to go about cooking breakfast. Growing up his diet was extremely regulated and he was rarely allowed to cook for himself, so the only things that were his choice were snack foods or pre made meals he’d grab from a 7/11. Sure he was a few years out of the constant regulations and overbearing ‘caretakers’, but he was out of the frying pan and into the fire in a way so he never had a lot of chances to improve his skills past a basic enough level of cooking to keep himself alive. 

With that in mind, his plan was to pick something nice up for you and maybe if he was feeling it he’d get some flowers or something as well before finally stopping by and sneaking in with the extra key you had given him to surprise you. You’d probably call him a loser for waking up so early, ask him what the hell he did this for, and his answer would be that somehow he managed to fall for you. It was easy as pie in his mind and he was actually pretty chipper in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, but things never quite go as planned for him, do they?

For starters he was out much later than he had planned the night before which pissed him off because every little issue that popped up felt so insignificant and not worth the price of pushing back his plans. He wasn’t some narcissistic asshole, but when he’s out until three in the morning dealing with little mishaps that cops should have been able to handle, he tends to get a bit irritated despite not showing it. Still, by the time he got home he barely had a few hours to rest before he had to get his plan into motion of picking up things and making his way to you. He wasn’t even planning on closing his eyes when he sat down for a ‘minute’ and when he woke up an hour or so to a call for aid from his agency he barely had time to worry about what was ahead. Even then by the time he was done as the sun began to rise, not only was he behind in general but the call took him a good distance away from where you were so it would take at least an hour to fly there and even more to get what he needed so instead, in his exhausted state he ended up saying ‘fuck it’ and dropping his ass into a family mart, picking up a bagful of breakfast pastries and coffee, and then rushing over to your place where he was finally able to give his wings some damn rest.

He was relieved enough to have made it a little after the time you mentioned you usually woke up around and being as jittery as he was he didn’t give a second thought to unlocking your door and practically slamming it open in the process before cursing to himself for being so damn loud when this was supposed to be a surprise, but with all his clattering around he spilled still very hot coffee all over himself and proceeded to practically throw the bag of goods in surprise as he cussed himself out some more.

Of course meanwhile all that was happening on your end was being woken up by your front door being slammed open followed by noise and cursing. You immediately tensed as you snuck your way closer to the intrusion, a small knife in hand in the event your quirk was rendered useless. As your heart raced in your chest you rounded the corner before bracing yourself, only for your eyes to widen at the sight of the absolute idiot you had fallen in love with whisper-yelling at himself surrounded by a now spilled puddle of coffee and various packaged breakfast pastries.

“Keigo?!” You practically screamed, rushing over him to see what the hell he was doing, but when he looked up at you as if he should be surprised you couldn’t help but sigh and cross your arms.

“A knife?? Jesus, (Y/N) the hells’ a matter with you.” He said with a smile, only half preparing himself for the huff of annoyance and smack to the side of his head.

“What’s the matter with me?! What the hell are you doing breaking into my apartment and making a fool of yourself???”

That made him groan and run a hand through his hair as he looked around to realize exactly what you meant about him looking ridiculous.

“Well you gave me a key so I wasn’t really ‘breaking in’, right?” He questioned, raising a brow as he moved to grab a kitchen towel to attempt to blot his clothes dry, but when he saw the look on your face that screamed you were tired and cranky and not having his jokes, he finally let out a sigh before leaning his back up against your kitchen counter.

“Was trying to do the whole ‘breakfast in bed’ thing, figured it would be best to make myself look good to confess or whatever you want to call it, with it being Valentine’s Day and all.” 

He immediately tensed as his brain caught up with what he had just said before slouching his shoulders upon realizing that in the end, he ended up going with his original plan of just blurting it out like an idiot. 

You scoffed, bending over to begin to pick up what he had dropped before stopping in your tracks as you heard the rest of his sentence. Now your heart was beginning to beat faster for a different reason as your brain replayed what he had just said as you picked up one of the pastries off the ground. After a moment of calming yourself so you wouldn’t embarrassingly bust your own feelings open like you had planned to do in the upcoming month, you stood up and smiled, holding up a one of the things you had picked up.

“You tried to make yourself look good with store bought pastries and crappy convenience store coffee?” You teased, making your way over to him and stopping so you were face to face with him and that ridiculously annoying and attractive smirk of his.

“What can I say, if you don’t love me at my worst you probably won’t love me at my best.”

“What would you have done if I didn’t love you at all?”

“Pfft,” He huffed, “When you go sayin’ things like that it makes it sound like you do love me.”

A moment later his face dropped and he let out a quiet ‘Oh’ as you gave him a look that said ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m trying to say’. All this time not worrying about whether or not you actually liked him back and him thinking that surely you did since the two of you had gotten so close, and yet when you put it so clearly like that it made his stomach do ecstatic flips not knowing that you were just as thrilled as he was.

“That’s cool.” Was all he could manage to say, figuring he would save at least some of his pride by not going into a love stricken rant about just how much he had come to love you.

“Just cool?” You asked, biting at your cheek in an attempt to keep your smile at bay but failing miserably at keeping your happiness on the inside, your hands itching to do something you had only previously dreamed of as you reached up to rest your hands on his shoulders before actually wrapping them around his neck as he leaned into your touch which effectively bolstered your confidence and lowered any inhibitions you had.

“Maybe a bit more than ‘just cool’. At least extra cool, maybe even insanely cool if we really want to push it. But h-“ His words were pleasantly cut off by your lips pressing against his own, a little desperate and very much eager after waiting so long to feel his lips pressed against your own. He was supposed to be the cool and suave ‘Hawks’, the nation’s number two hero, but just like that he was melting against your touch as his hands gripped your waist, gently at first but giving a desperate tug as you finally pulled away from him and he tried to lean in for more, the only thing stopping him being the fact that he just had to savor the look of happiness on your face that he was sure matched his own as you bit your lip out of slight embarrassment as the wave of ‘I cannot believe I just did that’ finally hit, though to him that look along with the fact that he now knew you really liked him back only made you that much more attractive.

“Sorry..” You muttered, a smile still on your face as you couldn’t help but chuckle at seeing him flustered and looking so naturally himself, the self that you had learned to love maybe a bit too much. “I’ve been kinda wanting to do that for a while.”

If he wasn’t already relieved before, hearing you confirm that you’ve been aching to be his as much as he was yearning to be yours made his heart soar with adoration and a liiittle bit of an ego boost that he probably didn’t need.

“Was it cool? Even without breakfast or the bed?” He questioned, still trying to keep things casual in a way, but with you, even being in a position he never thought he’d actually be in, it was easy to act naturally since he so naturally loved you.

“Oh yeah.” You laughed, pulling him closely into a tight hug that fit the two of you together so perfectly that it made it feel like you should have done this ages ago. “Perfectly,-“ You pulled back, giving him a peck on the lips that felt so right it made you giddy, “Extra-“, another kiss, this time with him returning the favor while trying hard not to let his own excitement take him too far as he relished in the fact that this was real and you were his and if he could help it, there’d be nothing in the world to change that “- and insanely cool.”

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {40}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Heavy Angst

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought. 

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

**Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 40: The Show Must Go On

-Vixen-

 “You may get knocked down fifty times but you better get up fifty-one, sugar.”

 Your grandmother’s words were the fuel for you that morning. You woke up before the sun rose and jogged five miles. Thankfully where you were staying was still private probably thanks to it being a gated community. You ran like your life depended on it, ran like someone was chasing you, ran like your very existence was threatened. When you were tired you pushed yourself, when you wanted to stop you forced yourself to keep going. On this run it was then you vowed to not let this new setback keep you down. You hadn’t gotten where you were today by letting punches keep you down.

 By the time you returned to shower the sun was up as was Ella. Your mother was in the kitchen preparing her breakfast. When you walked in she watched you, assessing if it was safe for her to begin.

 “Good morning mom.”

 “Good morning. Up early I see.”

 “Yep, early bird gets the worm, plus I have things to do,” you informed.

 “Here, have some oatmeal.” She put a bowl on the counter and waited for you to sit. Deciding it was smarter to appease then object you sat and plopped Ella beside you.

“Thank you.”

 You took a few bites and moaned. Ella joined in as well. Silence filled the kitchen, but you could hear the unspoken questions. You knew it was a matter of time.

“Vixen. How are you?” Her inquisitive tone held a deeper question, you could hear it.

 “I’m good.” It was a bold face lie and you knew she knew it. She didn’t acknowledge it though.

 “Vixen. How are you?” Flaring your nose you looked at her with a blank expression then smiled.

 “I’m good, mom.” You held her gaze and kept the smile on your face. She hummed then walked away. The clink of her heels on the floor stopped momentarily.

 “One day you’re going to have to stop lying to yourself. One day you will have to face your feelings. That day is nearing my precious girl.”

 She continued to walk, and you felt like she’d just uttered a curse on you. Shaking it off you focused on breakfast with Ella.

 After cleaning up the mess she’d made and given her a quick bath you checked messages that only had to do with work. you set up a meet with Kassius motivated to get back on track. You were not going to let this thing take over. You found the best outfit that screamed taking control and made your move to leave. As you were getting into your car Nex ran out to you with a tight hug.

 “What is this for?”

 “I’m here for you Vix, no matter what, no matter when. I am here. Just remembered that sometimes our strengths are also our weaknesses.” She placed a sweet kiss on your cheek and walked back inside. You glared at her back, that was not what you needed to hear right now. It was the last thing.

Sitting in front of Kassius forty minutes later neither of you spoke for several long minutes. He scrolled through his tablet with a pensive look on his face. A look that you couldn’t decipher. You couldn’t tell if he were angry, regretting his decision to bank on you, wishing he could nix the contract or what. Your leg began bouncing up and down as you flexed your finger bending it back and forth letting your joint pop in and out, these were your nervous ticks, ticks that you’d learned to control over the years but they flared up every now and then.

 Kassius sighed and flipped the cover of his tablet shut before he looked at you.

 “Eventful few days huh.”

 You busted out laughing. You shouldn’t have laughed; this was no laughing matter but laugh you did. A full minute passed where you heartily laughed. You felt like it had been weeks since you had when in fact it had been just a day or two. When you finally stopped Kassius still sat there with a small smirk on his face, but he looked like he wasn’t shocked.

 “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I laughed. This is not funny.”

 “It’s okay. I get it. The body’s response to stress can be humor. Perfectly normal, don’t worry about it.”

 You slowly breathed out and nodded.

 “How are you holding up? If I know anything about paparazzi they are relentless.”

 “You have no fucking idea.”

 “I’m fine, thank you.”

 “Are you really? From everything I’ve seen this is a big deal. This isn’t just some actor; this is Chris Evans,” he reiterated.

 You took in a shuddered breath and slowly let it out.

 “I would understand if you weren’t fine. I would understand if you were far from it.”

 “I’m--.”

 “Fine,” Kassius finished. He sighed and leaned closer on his desk.

 “Vixen, at this point we’re in this together. I need to know every surprise, everything to expect. This is your business I get it. I just don’t want any more surprises.”

 “I know. Kassius I didn’t know about this. It was just a shock to me as it was to you. I didn’t know we were still married. We met in Vegas got married drunk and the rest is everywhere,” you confessed.

 Kassius nodded and circled his thumbs.

 “I see. So our predicament is how do we move forward. Theoretically, they say no press is bad press so--.”

 “No, we’re not doing that. I see where you’re going and I’m gonna stop you there. I don’t want to use anything about him or this during this promo for the restaurant. We’re staying clear away from this.”

 Kassius studied you for a few moments then nodded and leaned back in his chair. “Okay. You have my word we won’t use this.”

 You nodded and breathed a sigh of relief.

 “We won’t use it but because it is already everywhere there is no way around it. they know who you are, they know what is happening. They will be around. We won’t play it up but that doesn’t mean there won’t be any association.”

 You understood. He meant that the paparazzi would use it and not necessarily be kind or gentle.

 “In light of things it wouldn’t hurt if you took a few days to lay low and work through this,” Kassius suggested.

 “No. That’s not necessary. I don’t need to take any time. We should keep moving forward. We’re close to the goal, let’s get there.”

 Again, Kassius studied you. he looked concerned but also slightly impressed.

 “Okay. Full force ahead.”

 The next hour went by where he went over the plan for the remaining weeks of construction, renovation, and promotion. He also gave you great news that Food Network sent over a preliminary contract for partnership with them. Turns out the video of your shoot slash impromptu cooking session was posted to YouTube and it got their attention. They loved it. So now you had the restaurant to look forward to and a Food Network show. You couldn’t believe how the tides of your life had changed.

 By midday, you pulled up to your restaurant to find a sea of paparazzo camped outside. Your jaw dropped as you surveilled any way to get inside without being seen. There was none, even the service entry was in plain sight. You sat there having a minor freak out moment as you realized you had to face this now. After almost ten minutes you got out of the car and walked toward the restaurant. Halfway across the street one of them saw you and approached shouting his question.

 “Vixen, Vixen anything to say to the world as Mrs. Evans? Anything to say to those who have said you’re a gold digger?”

 You clenched your jaw and focused on pushing through them. The sea of them was strong, like an ocean current.

 “Anything to say to rumors that you intentionally trapped Chris with this baby?”

 “Excuse me! Move!”

 Finally, you pushed through to the door and rushed inside locking it behind you before you did you caught one last question.

“Vixen, would you say you’re his black woman fetish he has to play through?” 

You stood there and watched them snap pictures and shout outside the glass. The shock of the question enveloped you. This was a nightmare, an insane nightmare you thought. Your anger was the only fuel you needed for the rest of the day. You busied yourself any way you could. You worked with the design team that was already there and completed the rest of your to-do list for the day. Your phone continuously dinged to inform you that you had a new message and all you did was ignore it. You didn’t have the time or patience for anything that began with C and ended with S or anyone who wanted to bring him up.

 By eleven, most of the installation was completed as were the concrete plans for the design. You were the last one there. Standing in the middle of the dining area you slowly spun around. You could envision what it would look like when it was all said and done. You were so close you could see the finish line. So close and then you could go back to San Francisco. Another sigh left you when the realization that San Francisco may be getting further and further away especially now with Food Network in the mix. Your thirst for success may be the double-edged sword that forever connected you to this place—the land of the fake.

 A knock at the door signaled the arrival of your security. Things were so insane you now needed security to get from your business to your car. This felt like some alternate universe. Once you stepped out onto the sidewalk the flash of the camera bulbs was more prominent and blinding. The two burly men surrounded you from both sides and guided you through the swarm of vermin.

 From your normal life in San Fran when you looked through tabloid magazines you didn’t think about how it really was for those who were hounded. It was an afterthought that it must have been tough and such an invasion of privacy but now that you’d experienced it, you didn’t know how any of them did it. After an agonizing minute, you were in your car stepping hard on the gas and getting the hell out of there.

  -Chris-

 “Fuck!”

 He nearly threw his phone across the room. He’d been calling for days and you never answered. He left messages, you never returned them. He texted, no response. Now when he called it went straight to voicemail, he suspected you’d blocked his number. You were distancing yourself and refused to hear him out.

 “Woah, woah, put the phone down and back away,” Mackie said from across the room. He rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood.

 “I’m not in the mood, man. See yourself back out.”

 “Wow, that was a dick thing to say.”

 “Mackie.”

 It was a warning, a warning he was almost certain Anthony wouldn’t heed. He didn’t wait around to see though. He walked to the kitchen and to the bar he had. His alcohol supply was dwindling. Forgoing a glass, he took up the bottle of rum and put it to his head. The burn was a wake-up call. Rum was not his preferred drink but desperate times.

 “Sounds like you’re still going through your dick phase. Only dicks keep a secret from their wives that could implode right in their faces. What the hell man!?”

 He didn’t respond. He stared at the bottle of amber-colored liquid.

 “Come on man. You had to know that it was a bad idea lying about it. You had to know that she would have found out and every day you didn’t tell her would make it that much worse.”

 “I know. Fuck I know! I fucked up. I tried to tell her, so many times. I just—I didn’t know how. Then the closer we got, the more time we spent together I started—I didn’t want to lose her. I thought I just needed time to show her I’m not the same asshole from Vegas, that I was different,” he blurted out before he took another swig of Rum.

 “That is the worst plan I’ve ever heard. Man, you white people always coming up with these elaborate schemes that you swear are genius ideas but are really great piles of horseshit.”

 He kissed his teeth and walked out of the kitchen. He didn’t want to hear this right now.

 “You may not want to hear it bruh, but you need to. You fucked this up. You should have just told her and let the chips fall where they may.”

 He knew everything he was saying was true. He knew it. Part of him said he should have done just that, but the other part won out.

 “I know,” he admitted.

 “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? Nexus is pissed man. She’s not one hundred percent pissed because she knew about the married thing but she’s pissed about not knowing you were still married. Pissed that you lied. Pissed that she liked you and was rooting for you. Should I continue?”

 “You can stop.”

 “So?”

 He thought about it for a minute before he spoke. “I don’t know man, I call her, she doesn’t answer. She is pissed,” he explained.

 “Rightfully so. So what are you gonna do about it?”

 “You say it like it’s easy. Like I have so many options.”

 “You do. You’re Chris fucking Evans, mega rich, so many things at your disposal.”

 “I can’t money my way out of this. She’s not like that and you know it.”

 “Good answer. Thank god that dick persona knows where not to go. That was a test. You passed.”

 “I don’t want to lose her Anthony; I don’t want to lose my family. I had some sort of epiphany in Boston, some sort of vision of what really mattered, what I really wanted, and I only want her and Ella, this fame shit—keep it. I want her, over everything.”

 Antony stared at him, assessing his body language and face, then he nodded.

 “Then go get em’, man.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

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[uschickens]

Getting to know you meme

Okay. Okayokayokay. I said I was going to post more, actually engage more, so that requires, you know. Actually posting more. (Plus @momosandlemonsoda has graciously tagged me twice now, with no response from me, and that shall not stand!)

So. That meme thing going around.

Part I

name: Fannishly, I’m uschickens pretty much everywhere. Back in The Olden Times, I used Vix as my first name with uschickens, as in short for Vixen, as in a fox in the henhouse, which, like so many things with me, is so obscure as to only amuse myself.

star sign: Sagittarius, which seems a little ::skeptical headtilt:: at first, until you pair it with my Gemini rising and Virgo moon, and then it becomes a lot more we-know-but-hey-john-mulaney.gif

height: 5'5" (165.1cm)

time: 11:12pm

birthday: every handful of years, it coincides with Thanksgiving, so I get cake AND turkey.

nationality: american

fave bands/groups/solo artists: Like, currently listening to, or of all time, or or or??? This is a loaded question! Recently, Taemin’s Never Gonna Dance album hooked me hard. My other most-played playlists are called “last of the hardcore troubadours,” “frenzied banjos,” and “forest gods,” so I’m working the alt country/folk pop/whatever Florence and her Machine and Hozier have going on. Oh, and the Sleep No More soundtrack, so 1930s jazz, Hitchcockian strings, and edm all mashed together.

song stuck in your head: not even a song, just the one line from Taemin “we were just two kids/too young and dumb” over and over and over on repeat.

last movie you watched: I...have not watched a movie in a long, long time. Possibly a Knives Out rewatch? It Part Two? No, all my media consumption time lately has been devoted to...

last show you binged: All Things Tomb. I started watching reboot in, hmmm, late October? Early November? And with very few exceptions, various dmbj adaptions have been ALL I watched since then. It’s...kind of a problem. It goes in fits and starts, not a true binge since reboot, except for some blocking-out-the-outside-world plunges into Ultimate Note in early January. Reboot is the Tomb of My Heart, with Sha Hai a microscopically close second. Chen Minghao is my one! true! Pangzi, with surfer!Pangzi from tlt2 being a worthy predecessor. I am mostly here for post-Bronze Gate Wu Xies, and I vastly prefer the more realistic fighting style of reboot!Xiaoge than emo!XG, mathnerd!XG, or dancer!XG. But this was supposed to be about a binge, not my Standard Tomb Opinions Dissertation.

when you created your blog: 2010? There was a brief period when apparently I used tumblr for...interior design porn?? Rather than porn porn??? I quickly learned my lesson.

the last thing you googled: firstly, that would be the last thing I duckduckgoed, if we’re being strictly accurate, but I digress. It was [Richard Diebenkorn Guggenheim], part of a long-running conversation with my dad, who is a landscape painter currently going through an abstract expressionism phase. It’s getting wild up in here, folks.

other blogs: as I said, uschickens everywhere, by which I mean Twitter and dreamwidth and ao3.

why i chose my url: back in The Early Days of Livejournal, I lurked even more than I do now, so when I finally took the plunge, I couldn’t resist going with a name that really captured my inner Do Not Perceive Me, crossed with big band music and Louis Jordan. Ergo my tag line was “ain’t nobody here but... [us chickens]”.

how many people are you following: fuck if I know

how many followers do you have: fuck if I care

average hours of sleep: NOT. ENOUGH. But better than it used to be; see also my Twitter for some of the more bizarre paths my mind goes down when I’m in the middle of a juicy bit of insomnia.

lucky numbers: 3

instruments: a couple decades of piano and a solid eight months of French horn.

what i’m currently wearing: the dress I wore to work over pajama bottoms. I’m getting ready for bed, I swear. Halfway there!

dream job: ::hollow laughter:: I feel I would be excellent at being independently wealthy, at which point all my time would be devoted to travel, food, and writing about/photographing that travel and food, plus whatever experimental theater/circus/dance performances I happened to run across. But I shudder to think of actually relying on that sort of writing/photography to earn my keep, because there’s no faster way to kill my joy in a thing than to make it an obligation. Is “dilettante” still a thing? I’d be very good at that.

dream trip: do you want that chronologically or alphabetically? I have spreadsheets! I *will* be going to Singapore once all this ::gestures vaguely at the world:: sorts itself out. There’s a weeklong food tour in Mexico City for which I have lust in my heart. I want to rent a beachside with a million bedrooms for a month and just have friends show up for as much or as little of that month as they want. When I want true escapism, I look at the Aman hotel website, pick a location at random, and decide which suite I would like for a) myself, solo, b) myself with family, c) myself with friends and d) whichever characters currently live in my brain.

fave food: ha, I couldn’t pick a favorite band, and you want me to pick a favorite FOOD? Gumbo. Spaghetti and meatballs (but only good ones). Georgian khachapuri and aubergine satsivi. Fresh strawberries and cream.

top three fictional universe you’d like to live in: something written by Diana Wynne Jones, because it’s always a good mix of fantastic and pragmatic, with fundamentally decent people. Probably Howl and Sophie’s neck of the woods. Star Wars, because fuck it I want a lightsaber. And faster than light space travel. And I can’t think of a third offhand, but something with magic. Because if you’re going fictional, go big fictional or go home.

Part II

last song: the moody acoustic version of the Guardian theme song.

last movie last stream last podcast: We’ve already talked movies, and Vix Does Not Stream, so let’s go to the only thing that means my laundry gets folded in a timely manner - podcasts. I would be remiss in not mentioning the primary ‘castular joy in my life, the I Saw What You Did pod, which is two fortysomething women of color talking nerdily about two movies based on a theme each week. You’ve probably never seen most of these movies, and it doesn’t matter in the slightest. They themselves are a delight, and it’s exactly the sort of chewy discussion over media that I adore, especially because it is not done in an exclusionary, clerk-at-that-one-independent-video-store-who-always-seemed-to-be-sneering-at-your-choices way. Highly recommended. But, uh, the one I really should talk about is All About Agatha, a very good podcast reading and ranking all of Agatha Christie’s novels in order, because it is an excellent segue into...

currently reading: ...the fact that I am a solid 80% of the way through all of Agatha Christie’s novels in audiobook. In, like, the last two months. I haven’t read a book with my eyeballs since ::gestures vaguely at the world again:: (wait, no, I made it through the dmbj novels, for better or for worse), as reading with my eyes seems to be reserved for fic these days. But I am plowing through these audiobooks like it’s a part-time job. What even is life if not narrated by Hugh Fraser at this point? I’m not sure if I recommend the endeavor or not, but I and my knitting and my mystery audiobooks will be over here getting our Miss Marple on as long as possible. (For the record, the audiobooks have edited out some but not all of the egregious bits of racism but left most of the anti-Semitism. So, uh, there’s that.)

currently watching: Mystic Nine, my last full Tomb series. The only I’m not going into preemptive withdrawal is the presence of several side stories on iqiyi with English subtitles. Naturally not the ones I really want (heeeey, Liu Sang vs haunted paint can, plus whatever the hell is going on with Hei Xiazi from last month), but needs must. I suppose after that, I’m back to a reboot rewatch, for fic research purposes, if nothing else. I mean, I suppose I could watch a non-dmbj property? Like the backlog of recommendations I’ve been collecting?? Sounds fake, but okay.

what is antipoetry to you: I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s another form of poetry. Something something even by rebelling against the form one is inherently bound by its concepts, especially when one tries to define oneself in opposition to something one cannot help but be shaped by it blah blah.

currently craving: I could say something existential about what the pandemic has made me yearn for (live! theater! with! friends!), or I could talk about the roast pork from Big Wong’s that I’m seriously contemplating for lunch tomorrow, but what I want most right now is for the goddamn construction crew that dug a hole in the road right outside my window starting at 10pm would finish and go away ASAP.

[robonomics]

Spec Play: I Bought Grubhub

I bought GrubHub stock yesterday (SYMB: GRUB). I’ve been mulling over it for the past month, and finally pulled the trigger on a small position- the smallest position I’ve had in a stock since my early investing days as a teenager in high school. Here’s why I bought it.

First off, there is a reason I bought such a small position. Grubhub represents what Jim Cramer calls “mad money”, the portion of your investment portfolio where you are essentially making bets on the future of a company, product, service, or industry. It’s a risky investment, plain and simple. You never want high risk stocks to make up a large portion of your portfolio, not even if you are in your early 20s and have the rest of your life to make up for the losses. At this point, I’ve built up a decent size portfolio of stocks that a small position in risky stocks is well covered by companies with more stable sources of income. This small position may actually increase too. I still have plenty of cash available in my account because I’m somewhat expecting a big market movement in the coming months. In the past 15 years or so, there has been at least 1-2 massively volatile days in the market for some random reason that really doesn’t affect the underlying fundamentals of all the stocks involved in a sell off. I like to take advantage of these, like I did earlier this year in February with another China scare. I don’t know when this random event will happen, but I’m paying attention to the VIX to see when it does to buy up more shares of this or some other company at depressed prices, notably this one because of it’s super high valuation. More on that concern later.

What the fuck is Grubhub, anyways? Grubhub is a online service that connects hungry people with restaurants around them to make the take out or delivery ordering process seamless. (Ha! see what I did there... see below). Started because college students were too lazy to go to Taco Bell after the bar while I was still in college, the business model made it simple to order from anywhere you wanted to eat, even if the restaurant didn’t have a delivery service. Sure, there were lots of these startups at the time- it’s a really simple business model after all- but Grubhub was the first to expand quickly and buyout competition across college campuses. I still remember when my local service was bought out by Grubhub because the Facebook app suddenly changed names, even though I totally forgot that I started following the page a few years prior.

Anyways, the first-mover advantage is the first big reason why I bought Grubhub over competitors. It not only was an originator of the concept, it quickly scaled up to include more restaurants that any other competitor. As a result, of all it’s many competitors, it’s the only profitable one. Even if you don’t know you’re using Grubhub, you might still be doing it. Seamless, popular in New York I believe, and Eat24, locally known to the Bay Area, are fully owned by Grubhub. Eat24 actually will be taking the Grubhub name in the near future. Additionally, Grubhub owns Allmenus.com and menupages.com, websites that as you may guess show you restaurant menus. Recently, the company bought LevelUp, a customer loyalty service. As you can see, whether they created it, or more likely bought out their competitors or complimentary services, Grubhub has grown to be everything a person wants when ordering food online, and they’ve done it quicker than competitors. Because of this first mover advantage, they are in the best position to gain new customers.

This ability to gain customers plays into their network effect. The stronger a company’s network affect, the higher their resulting profits. If you had to analogize Grubhub at this time, it’s like Uber in 2013. Sure, there’s Lyft, Grab, Via, and local taxicab companies, but none have the network effect or recognition like Uber. Grubhub has the largest user network at this time, and it is still growing. The larger they can get their DAUs (daily active users), the higher their profits. Currently, Grubhub has a 50% market share, with it’s closest competitor being Uber Eats with 21%. Grubhub still has plenty of room to grow their network of restaurants though, since not every restaurant uses Grubhub yet. Currently, I believe Grubhub has the biggest network of restaurants on their site, something like over 400,000. Amazingly, that still has plenty of room to grow, helping their growing base of customers look to it as the one stop shop for anything to do with food. Anecdotally, they have a ton of room to grow where I live in DC, since there was almost nothing listed on the app when I checked it out this week.

A big factor in Grubhub’s current success is it’s partnership with Yelp. If you are hungry and don’t want to cook, there’s a good chance that you turn to Yelp for ideas. Yelp has a fully integrated ordering service provided by Grubhub at the click of a button. As long as this partnership continues, both Yelp and Grubhub will flourish off the hungry, and stay-at-home stomachs of it’s customers.

When it comes to profitability and growth, Grubhub is growing at an astounding rate. This is a bit of a concern for me actually, given it’s P/E of 90ish on forward earnings and 130ish P/E on present earnings, a wildly high valuation when the rest of the S&P is sitting around 19.* This is scary, as seen in my past descriptions of why I won’t touch Amazon’s stock. Honestly, I don’t have much room to say that this is different other than potential growth from a small base is easier than from a large. Currently, the company is projected to double revenues and earnings in the next 3 years, and triple it in 5. Much of this has to do with the still low amount of people who actually use the service. Grubhub covers more cities than any of it’s competitors, which makes it more difficult to easily grow from outside markets. However, Grubhub is better positioned to grow it’s network within each city it’s in. This is where the high projections for growth are. At it’s current valuation, it is valued in the 30s on a discounted cash flow model going at least 5 years into the future. It’s still a high valuation, but it is projected to grow at an average annual growth rate over that time, and likely for a little bit after that, of something like 19-20%. That’s huge! Is it realistic? I can’t say with certainty, hence why this stock is falling in my speculative basket. I believe that online delivery services like Grubhub are heavily under utilized at the moment, with lots of potential, especially in urban areas where people have less access to a car. Dominos grew tremendously over the last couple years because of the strength of it’s ordering app. While I absolutely love Dominos pizza, it really was it’s delivery app that made it rise above it’s competitors. Grubhub is sitting in a position to be that for all restaurants, a much bigger market potential.

It’s likely to do it better than it’s competition. Grubhub has weathered every storm so far facing delivery apps. Because of that, as I’ve already said, it’s better situated. It’s biggest current competition comes from Door Dash, who has a 15% market share. Right now, Door Dash seems to be better with getting corporate partnerships with large fast food restaurants, like Wendy’s. My bet is that people prefer ordering food from local restaurants more than fast food joints, but I don’t have a real objective basis for this. Door Dash is currently private, but is also likely unprofitable. It is getting lots of venture capital cash though, so it is likely to be a formidable opponent for some time to come. If Grubhub buys them out like they’ve done with pretty much the rest of their competition, that just makes things easier for Grubhub. I’m not investing based on that potential though. Much of the same can be said about Postmates. In fact, there are rumors that Door Dash and Postmates are considering a merger, which would seriously make Grubhub’s job more difficult. The scariest competition that I see so far actually comes from Square with it’s Caviar service. Since Square is becoming more and more common as the enterprise resource software of choice for small businesses like restaurants, Caviar is easier for restaurants to set up as their default delivery platform. It’s not profitable now, but this scares me as an investor most. Think of pre-installed web browsers in Microsoft Windows and it’s affect on Netscape. If you don’t know what Netscape is, that’s exactly why. I’m worried that Caviar has the potential to do this to Grubhub. Grubhub’s best move is to strengthen their brand recognition, so that no matter how strong Caviar competes as the default software for restaurant, it can compete as the default network for customers. If it works out, restaurants will have to be on the Grubhub network in order to be on their customers’ radar. Then there’s Uber Eats. A lot of people use this, but it seems that Uber hasn’t got all the kinks down right yet. Since the company is still focused on being a “ride sharing” service (totally different than a taxi, right...), it’s success as a food deliverer is doing okay. According to Uber, the service is profitable in 40 cities, though I imagine it’s in a lot more than that, which aren’t profitable. I think Uber Eats can improve it’s service heavily, and if it does they will be in a much better position to capitalize on growth than both Grubhub and Door Dash. For now though, the other two more focused players seem to have the advantage in the long run. As you can see, there are a lot of players in this space already, some with different models than Grubhub. And everyone always likes to talk about Amazon as a potential competitor. They say this for everything under the sun though, and until Amazon announces such a plan (which will absolutely obliterate Grubhub’s stock if it happens), I’m just not getting on board with such speculation.

As you can see, competition is really heavy, and the only real thing Grubhub has is a first mover advantage and brand that gives it a leg up on competitors. The trick will be for them to take more market share and gain pricing power by taking out competitors, growing it’s network faster than the others can keep up with. One way they are doing that is by investing heavily in advertising. You see the same with Door Dash, especially in restaurant commercial partnerships where the brand is featured right at the end to tell people where they can shop. Grubhub is doing the same, but notably, Grubhub has it’s own marketing campaign. I think such marketing efforts will help drive curious newcomers onto the app, especially since football season just started and people will want to order in on the weekend more.

Part of Grubhub’s newest attempt to create loyal customers is through a loyalty program. As I mentioned earlier, they just purchased LevelUp to help them build it. Since there isn’t much known about what Grubhub plans to do with the service, I can only guess that they will use it to leverage more future sales on their network. Given their history of integrating competitors and complimentary services, my bet is that they will do a good job integrating this service too, creating a more loyal customer base which restaurants will directly seek out to increase their sales. Further, it appears LevelUp has an integrated payment system that Grubhub may be able to leverage as a potential source of competition to Square’s Caviar in the future. We’ll see.

Because of the rampant competition, I would be shocked if there isn’t more consolidation in the industry in the coming couple years. However, I don’t buy based on buyout speculation, especially since I don’t know which way the buying would necessarily go.

One thing that creates a future risk along with it’s current valuation is how quickly the stock is moving in price. I bought yesterday on what was nothing more than an inter-day dip. Since then it’s up over 5%. That’s a major signal of momentum buying building in the stock, especially considering it’s move since it’s last earnings announcement. Sure, momentum buying strategies are great when you are riding the wave, but my worry is the fall, especially at such a high current valuation. Grubhub could be a darling stock for the year, and continue to rise as portfolio managers see that they need to have it in order to make their investors happy. If Grubhub doesn’t beat out quarterly earnings this next quarter, something I highly fear given that people may not be properly factoring in the increase in unadjusted growth rates from their acquisition of Eat24, they may be in for a drop as large as the corresponding increase they saw from their last earnings report. This is the general risk you have whenever you get into these high multiple, high growth, momentum stocks.

When it comes down to it, there are a lot of risks with buying Grubhub’s stock, hence why I put in a small position as a purely speculative play. I’m betting that it is the best run company in it’s industry, and best positioned to capture the food delivery services market as it grows in the coming years. Millennial like myself like to order in, and this is a play on that sociological trend. I think Grubhub will do a great job of increasing its network effect, leveraging it well in the future. Hell, maybe one day they’ll even get into the grocery delivery business. All of this goes to show that there is great potential, and I’m making a speculative bet on that potential, full well knowing the high risks that come with a potentially high reward.

*Recently I read in the Economist that it was around 23x. That’s historically really high for the S&P!

[artificialqueens]

Revelation Sunshine, Chapter 2 (Courtney/Vixen) - Veronica

A/N: I am so excited to finally be writing this story, especially as part of the challenge. Thank you so much to anyone who’s liked or commented. And especially thank you to the creator of the Galactica universe, @theartificialdane

Last chapter: After flirting via text and social media for a few months, Vixen and Courtney finally met in person, and ended up in bed.

This chapter: After a slightly awkward morning, they try to navigate an undefined long-distance situation.

***

It could have been a lazy morning, cuddling in bed while the rain pounded down outside, streaming against the windows, turning the whole world blurry and surreal. Vixen could have stayed in bed, warm and safe, and basked in the glow of their adorable puppy-love until Courtney had to leave for her photo shoot.

She could have let herself enjoy this—whatever it was, for at least a few more hours.

Instead, she woke up feeling unsettled and insecure, slipping out of bed to hunt down a toothbrush while Courtney dozed peacefully. It wasn’t until she was trying to quietly put her clothes back on and figure out where the hell her coat was that Courtney stirred.

“Good morning,” Courtney said with a yawn, sitting up slowly, tousled hair falling over her shoulders.

“Hey, sorry, I was trying not to wake you,” Vixen said. Her coat was nowhere to be found, she realized, because it was still downstairs where she’d checked it when she arrived. She rolled her eyes at her own alcohol-fueled stupidity and shoved her feet into her shoes.

It seemed to take Courtney a few moments to comprehend what Vixen had said, brow furrowing.

“You weren’t gonna say goodbye?” she asked softly.

Vixen froze.

“No, that’s not what I...I just know it’s early and I didn’t want to bother you with-”

Shit.

Courtney pulled the blankets up over her chest, an inscrutable expression on her face.  

“Look, I know that I have a reputation for…” she paused, swallowing, “...I guess, taking this kind of thing lightly. But, that’s not what this is. I really like you.”

Guilt bloomed in Vixen’s chest as she moved to the bed, sitting down beside her. It actually hadn’t occurred to her, until this very moment, that Courtney might be feeling a scrap of the insecurity that plagued her. Everything about her life felt so charmed and perfect and easy; it was hard to remember that she was human too.

“I’m sorry,” Vixen said sincerely. “I really like you too. I just...I wasn’t thinking.”

Courtney nodded. It seemed like she believed her, so Vixen decided not to push it.

“Um...you fly back tonight, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And then your tour starts on-”

“Friday,” Courtney answered, a hint of resigned exhaustion in her voice before adding a chipper, “Can’t wait!”

Vixen chuckled softly.

“Well...then I guess I’ll see you when you’re in Chicago.”

“Yeah?” Courtney’s eyes shone hopefully.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

Courtney gave her a lopsided grin, which deepened when Vixen moved closer, kissing her lightly.

“Hey, um...text me later. Tell me about that museum,” Courtney told her, fingers lacing with Vixen’s.

“I will. And you...let me know how everything goes today.”

“Sure.”

When Vixen pulled back to look at her, she was relieved as the brightness in her eyes. It was going to be a long couple of months, but with things being what they were, it seemed unwise to try and define their relationship any more than “can’t wait to see you again.” So for now, this would have to do.

***

Trying to keep a lid on her obvious fuming, Vixen typed out a text.

Sorry to bother you right now, but the guard won’t let us in without backstage passes. Can someone maybe call him?

“Where are your passes?” the guard said again, crossing his arms, a scowl on his face.

“I...already told you, we don’t have passes, but I’m supposed to be on the list. Toni Taylor.” Vixen shifted, indignation rising in her chest as he stared her down. She was not going to lose it, though. Not here.

“You’re not on the list,” he said, giving a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Show him the text!” Monet said, elbowing her in the ribs.

“Oh right...sir, look. I have a text from Courtney Act that says to meet her here. I just contacted her again, but I’m sure she’s busy, so if you could-”

“How the hell do I know that’s a real text?” the guard scoffed.

“I...how far would we get if it wasn’t?!” Vixen asked, exasperated. “You think her people are just gonna let us in? Do you think that we think we can sneak around anywhere?” Vixen gestured to their group, five tall Black women all in bright, colorful club wear. Not the most inconspicuous of groups.

COURTNEY: OMG COMING NOW

“She says she’s coming,” Vixen said, looking up at the girls.

“Herself?” Monique asked, head tilted questioningly.

“I...I don’t know,” Vixen said.

But in fact, within 2 minutes, Courtney rounded the corner, in silver thigh-high boots and a makeup smock, hair half in curlers, the blonde offset by fresh rainbow highlights, marching towards them like a bat out of hell. A terrified redheaded boy wearing a headset followed on her heels.

“Where are they?!” Courtney demanded, then looked up and spotted Vixen, her face softening, hurrying toward her. She wrapped Vixen into a tight embrace, saying, “I’m so sorry about this, are you okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Vixen laughed. “Don’t worry, no one got out of line.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, this kind of shit is so fucking irritating.”

The guard, utterly chagrined now, started to stammer out an apology, but Courtney held up her hand.

“It’s fine. It’s your boss that I’m annoyed at.”

“So are they all on the list for-”

“Yes! All of them! Jonathan, give them the passes.” Courtney snapped her fingers at the ginger boy by her side, who hurriedly handed out VIP backstage passes to the whole group as Courtney led them back down the hall to the green room.

Mayhem and Monet exchanged a glance, Mayhem mouthing, ‘BAD ASS,’ and Monet laughing silently, nodding.

When they finally reached the large green room, Courtney turned around, urging the girls to make themselves comfortable.

“Have a seat anywhere. There’s food, drinks, and I…” she clasped her hands together. “...I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, girl. I love seeing someone yell at a douchey bouncer. Hi, I’m Monet.” She reached out a hand towards Courtney.

“Monique,” Monique jumped in quickly. “…and this is Mayhem.”

“Monet...Monique...Mayhem…” Courtney repeated with a nod. “Well, that’s gonna be a challenge.”

“Why?” Vixen asked, brow furrowed. “‘Cause all Black people look the same?”

Courtney’s eyes widened in alarm.

“No!” she insisted. “No, I meant because it’s just a lot of M names! And if-” she stopped short, seeing the stifled grins on all the faces around her, and narrowed her eyes.

Unable to hold back any longer, the girls all burst out laughing, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. Courtney shook her head at Vixen, grinning.

“Good one. I almost had a heart attack,” she said, finally allowing herself to chuckle.

“Vix, what have we told you about scaring white girls just before their concerts?” Asia asked.

“Uhh...to do it?” The girls continued to laugh.

“Hey...I’m Moesha,” Asia said, and Courtney nodded slowly. When Mayhem hit her on the arm, she grinned and said, “Just kidding. I’m Asia.”

“Thank god,” Courtney breathed, a relieved giggle escaping. “So, I’m so glad you guys are here, but I kinda need to go finish preparing. I, uh…” She gestured to her half-done makeup and hair.

“Of course. Don’t worry about us,” Asia told her. “You go do your thing, get your makeup done, we’ll just be here. We’re gonna switch shirts and then test you on all the names.”

“Brilliant,” Courtney laughed. She turned to Vixen, fingers brushing against her wrist, asking, “Do you wanna come...hang out while they finish my makeup? You can see Kylie.”

“Sure!”

“Who’s Kylie?” Asia asked coyly, and Vixen turned around to give her a warning look before following Courtney into the adjacent room.

“Her dog.”

“Oh. Pity. I was hoping that it was her pus-”

“Asia!”

***

The concert was great—Vixen hadn’t seen Courtney perform for years, and she’d certainly upped the production value. Plus, having a VIP experience with some of her closest friends was awesome. It felt like the old days, all of them laughing and drinking and dancing and gossiping like school girls. Asia especially made her feel some type of way—ever since making partner at her law firm, she’d been working so much that Vixen hardly saw her. But tonight, they felt like kids again, even doing shots at one point, laughing until their stomachs hurt.

By the time they met Courtney backstage, collapsed in a sweaty mess on one of the green room sofas, Vixen felt pleasantly buzzed, happy and warm all over.

They settled in with more drinks and Indian food ordered from a nearby restaurant.

“So, how do you guys all know each other?” Courtney asked.

“College, mostly.” Vixen said, telling her how Asia was her RA freshman year at Hillman. “I was a fucking mess,” she said, laughing.

“You sure were,” Asia agreed, telling Courtney, “She spent most of the Fall semester on my carpet in tears.”

“Awww…”

“Well, fuck you, I had a lot on my mind!” Vixen snapped, then giggled again. “And, uh...Monique was in the same dorm. Although we didn’t really become friends until that Spring.”

“Yes! That philosophy class, with the...ugh,” Monique recalled, shaking her head.

“Monet was my study partner until she abandoned me,” Vixen went on, and Monet laughed.

“Listen, I just didn’t connect with all that sociology jargon. It didn’t speak to me,” Monet said.

“And uh, Mayhem met Monet through some educational leadership networking bullshit, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Monet nodded.

“And now we’re just...a bunch of boring ladies who work too hard and meet like once every 2 months for brunch,” Monique said.

“Party!” Mayhem added, clinking their classes.

Courtney grinned, listening to them share stories of their debaucherous college days and their sordid, stressed out twenties. Vixen could tell she was exhausted, knew that she was sacrificing her precious few hours of sleep before she had to get back onto the tour bus, just to hang out with her and get to know her friends.

Vixen kept looking over at her with a stupid, goofy smile on her face. At some point, it became permanent, making her cheeks hurt.

When the tour manager pulled Courtney away for a quick discussion, Asia took Vixen’s hand and squeezed it, saying, “Now, I know you don’t need my approval…but I like her.”

“Thanks,” Vixen grinned. Well. Continued grinning.

“And tell her I want tickets to the Oscars.”

“Oooh!” Monet chimed in. “I wanna go to the Tonys!”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’ll be her first priority, guys,” Vixen said with an eye roll.

“It’s not fair...why can’t a rich, famous pop star fall in love with me?” Mayhem whined. “I’m very lovable.”

“Ehhh,” Monique gave her the ‘so-so’ gesture and the rest of the group busted up laughing once again.

Later, after several rounds of good-bye hugs, the girls headed for their car, and Vixen lingered behind, telling them to go ahead without her, she’d get her own car. (And then of course, she had to pretend not to see Asia’s knowing wink.)

“We had a great time, I really...you were fantastic up there,” Vixen said.

“Thank you for coming,” Courtney said, leaning against the door frame. “Now, don’t get me wrong, all audiences are special, in their own unique way…”

Vixen laughed, reaching out to cup her cheek.

“But, um…” Courtney trailed off, eyes shining as Vixen’s thumb grazed her skin.

Vixen leaned in, watching her eyes fall closed before pressing their lips together. The kiss was soft and sweet, and fairly chaste. But when Vixen pulled away, the dreamy expression on Courtney’s face made her heart hammer heavily.

“I love your hair like this,” Courtney said, admiring the gold woven into her twists.

“I tried to glam it up for you.”

“You’re beautiful.” Courtney’s lashes fluttered, arms wrapping around Vixen’s waist.

“So are you,” Vixen said, hands still cupping her face. “So...I know you must be pretty exhausted...but…you’re also really hot.”  

Courtney bit her lip and leaned in for another kiss, lips trailing down her jaw and then nuzzling into her neck. She heaved a deep sigh.

“I really want you, but I can barely keep my eyes open,” Courtney admitted, voice muffled against Vixen’s skin.

“So...maybe I should leave, and let you rest.” She trailed her fingers through Courtney’s hair, watching the way her colorful highlights caught the dim light, not yet ready to let go of the moment.

“Okay,” Courtney agreed, hands still gripping her waist tightly.

Of course, she ended up staying. By the time they settled into Courtney’s hotel room, they barely had 3 hours. So Vixen just wrapped Courtney into her arms and held her, enjoying this little sliver of affection before she took off again, knowing that it might not be until her tour ended in October that they would see each other again.

***

Vixen had watched the video twice already, feeling only mildly ashamed as she started it again. Courtney was lying on a yoga mat, post-workout, skin glistening with sweat. She picked up a bottle of water, the video switching to slow motion as she began to pour it all over her face and chest. She batted her wet lashes, blinking the water out of her eyes before looking directly into the camera and slowly licking her lips. The whole video was just silly enough for plausible deniability (especially the caption of “oh no, i spilled!”) and yet unmistakably alluring. And of course, Vixen’s stomach flipped every time she saw that tongue. What was wrong with her?

VIXEN: Wow. Your last post was…

COURTNEY: You like it? ;)

VIXEN: You look like a THOT

COURTNEY: LOL! Are you slut shaming me?!

VIXEN: I mean...

COURTNEY: Wow. And here I thought you were all about empowerment. Smh

VIXEN: FINE. Go ahead...live your best slut life.

COURTNEY: Aww, thx! Xoxo

***

Vixen was deeply aware of what she said on social media. As much as she wanted to pop off at people (and had, frequently, back in another lifetime, years ago), she knew that her academic credentials required at least a small semblance of self control.

So for the most part, she kept her tweets and instagram comments brief and professional. Almost formal.

Courtney, however, had no such rules for herself. She basically said any and everything on her mind, commented unabashedly, posted without filters. (Except like, literal filters, which she seemed to enjoy tremendously.) It was both endearing and, at times, deeply concerning for Vixen, for whom privacy was essential.

For instance, there was the story from Seoul Pride, where she met up with one of her old friends, Adore Delano—the two of them gallivanting around, drinking and laughing and screaming like idiots from a parade float. The whole thing culminated in a video of Courtney in a nightclub, glassy-eyed and extremely proud of herself, literally licking Adore’s face.  

And then when Vixen posted a still from an interview with the Tribune, she immediately responded with nothing but a row of 10 heart-eyed emojis. Which led to Vixen getting hundreds upon hundreds of comments from what she presumed were Courtney’s (very young) followers: unbridled, hysterical excitement the likes of which she had never seen.

VIXEN: Um. What...with all due respect...the fuck?

COURTNEY: Oh yeah. The shippers. Sorry, I should have warned you.

VIXEN: I mean. Jesus fucking Christ.

COURTNEY: We’re OTP #couplegoals now. I’m afraid you have to marry me.

VIXEN: Seems that way, doesn’t it? BTW where are you? What time is it? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?

COURTNEY: Berlin. 4 am. Yes.

VIXEN: Say goodnight, Courtney

COURTNEY: Goodnight Courtney <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

***

A few days later, after finishing some rather emotional office hours (why every student felt the need to unburden their deepest traumas on Vixen that Wednesday, she didn’t know), she took a much-needed break, sipping a cup of coffee. She saw the picture right away (okay, maybe she had alerts set up by now, whatever)—Courtney curled up in bed with her dog, wearing a fuzzy pink unicorn onesie with turquoise accents and a ridiculous rhinestoned horn.

VIXEN: I can’t decide if it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever worn, or like...mortifying

COURTNEY: Both!

VIXEN: Lol, fair enough

COURTNEY: And perfect for cuddling ;)

VIXEN: I’ll bet!

COURTNEY: Why don’t you send me a pic in your favorite sleepwear?

VIXEN: I’m supposed to be a respectable member of the faculty, and you want me to use school wifi for that?

COURTNEY: SEND NUDES XXX

VIXEN: Lol

*

About a week later, a box showed up at Vixen’s front door. The return address had Courtney’s name and an unfamiliar return address. She assumed it was fine, but her suspicious nature required a safety check.

VIXEN: What’s in this package that just showed up at my house?

COURTNEY: OMG! That was so fast!! Open it!!

VIXEN: So, not a bomb? Please confirm

COURTNEY: Lol, no. Open it.

Vixen took the box inside, cutting it open carefully. Inside, there was another box, pink and shiny, with a card on top. The note read, ‘To replace your hoodie. Perfect for snuggling. XO, C.’

She lifted the lid on the pink box, and nestled inside was a fluffy turquoise dragon onesie with iridescent pink scales. It was the silliest thing that Vixen had ever seen. Silly and beautiful and perfect.

VIXEN: Damn. I guess fantasies do come true.

COURTNEY: I hope so...

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {13}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Plot, Cursing, Angst,

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. 3 years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

**Partially Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 13: Lucy You Got Some ‘Splainin To Do

 -Vixen-

   The hotel suite was dark and quiet; the only sound that could be heard was the soft moans Ella made as she slept. She was exhausted, and it showed in her behavior. You had to deal with hours of tantrums, screaming, shouting and food throwing until she’d tuckered herself out and passed out after her bath. A bath that left you drenched because she kept slapping her hands in the water, creating mini tsunamis all aimed at you. She wasn’t even two yet, and you were getting an excellent taste of your future. Now you sat in the second bedroom on the bed. In front of you was a massive set up of empty ice cream bowls and tens of possible toppings along with several bottles of bourbon.

    “So, let me get this straight,” Nexus began before she paused for a few long moments. She took a deep breath and started again. “Almost three years ago we went to Vegas for Kami’s birthday; you disappeared for two days there. We all thought you were so drunk you couldn’t find your ass. Turns out not; instead you’d gotten married to Chris Evans, thee Chris Evans. Then before you can say Mrs. Evans, you get divorced, fuck him one more time just for fuck's sake, come home not breathe a word of it and then have Ella and keep this all a secret?”

    You let her cliffs notes sink in. This was the first time you’d ever actually thought about it from a storytelling point of view. This story was bat shit crazy and incredibly unbelievable. You had nothing to say now though, because it was your reality. This was your life. You bit your bottom lip and nodded your head.

    “Uh-huh.”

    “Holy—Shit, Vixen! Holy fucking, what the fuck, shit!”

    You pinched your lips and waited until she was finished. This was a normal reaction you assumed. It had to be right? Your sister finds out you secretly married a celebrity who you then divorced. You then had said celebrity’s secret baby.

  “Really, Vix? Oh my god. What the hell!”

    “I know, I know, I know; I fucked up. I shouldn’t have disappeared that night,” you began before Nexus cut you off.

    “What? Who gives a shit that you disappeared? You lied to me for damn near three years Vix! We don’t lie to each other. We’ve always told each other everything.”

  She was right, and you felt like a world-class asshole. You’d always felt guilty about it.

    “I know Nex, and I’m sorry. Really I am. I signed this NDA, and I couldn’t talk about it and--,”

    “Wait, like an actual NDA. Something mistresses have to sign?”

    You rolled your eyes.

    “Come on Vix, was I really going to run to the tabloids and sell your story? I’m your sister. That excuse is bullshit!”

    You took a deep breath and sighed out. It partially was.

    “I couldn’t tell anyone, Nex. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t breathe a word of this to mom or dad. If they would have found out I married someone without them there then got divorced they would both die of a heart attack on sight. I couldn’t.”

    “Wait, Ella. Oh my god.”

   Her eyes were wide with shock as it all finally sunk in.

    “Vixen. Is he Ella’s father?”

    Again, you sighed. With her answer, Nexus leaned back against the headboard and stared out just as stunned as you were.

    “I mean I knew it was some white guy, I mean she has blue eyes and damn near blondish hair, and she is much lighter, I figured that was the reason why you hadn’t told me who her father was because you were embarrassed he was white but this—this takes the cake, Vix. Chris Evans?!”

    “I know. It’s a lot to take in.”

    “I totally understand her name now. Kristella. We all wondered where the hell you got that from.”

    You snorted and shook your head.

    “It just fit. Once I saw her, it was the only name that fit her,” you defended.

    “So, he doesn’t know he has a daughter running around.”

    It was not a question. She knew you down to the science; she knew he didn’t know. No doubt she didn’t approve. Your mind went back to just a few hours ago. Magazines, TV, and memories didn’t do him justice. The years had been very kind to him. He looked taller, his shoulders looked more defined and broader, his hair longer and redder, and his beard was much more filled in. He looked so damn good, so masculine, so damn daddyish. You closed your eyes and ran through the encounter again. You almost laughed out loud because you hadn’t been in LA for a month and one of your biggest fears had played out.

    “Wow Vix, this is insane.”

    “I know.”

    The two of you sat quietly for a few minutes longer. Nexus trying to absorb all the information you’d just laid on her and you just obsessing over how damn hot he was and how much your lady parts must have missed him to come alive during the most terrifying moment of your life—next to when you found out you were pregnant.

    “What’re you gonna do?”

    You snorted because it was a ridiculous question. What did she think you were gonna do? What were your options here? You let a rush of air escape your mouth as you shrugged.

    “I mean you have to tell him, right? He has a right to know that Ella is his. Ella has a right to know her father. Right, Vix?”

    You didn’t dare speak; shit you couldn’t even think. This was a lot. Your entire world that you’d built—carefully built for the last near three years had crumbled in seconds, and you watched as it did. You needed a second. You gripped your head and closed your eyes.

    “Nex, I need a minute. I just need quiet!”

    The silence that filled the room next was deafening. You quickly got up and hurried to the bathroom where you paced the marble floor back and forth and again and again until you were dizzy. Then you sat on the sink and clutched your legs to you as your head spun round and round making you even dizzier. You couldn’t think you could barely breathe. You found yourself hyperventilating. You knew it was a panic attack, and that made you panic even more. You hadn’t had a panic attack since finding out you were pregnant with Ella. The door to the bathroom opened and in came Nexus.

    “Slow breathes, deep slow and shallow breathes you remember like Lamaze. Breathe with me.”

    She began the pattern of breathing you’d done during Lamaze classes and through your labor, and you slowly followed. The first few minutes were torture because as you fought against the panic, it rose even more. The more your mind flashed on Chris’ face and then the tiny near replica of Ella’s it never faded.

    “You’re thinking too much. Clear your mind, Vix, think of nothing. An open field, flowers, look at the flowers Vix.”

    You looked at her and glared. It as an inside joke between the two of you ever since you’d watched the episode of The Walking Dead where the character Carol told the little girl Lizzie who’d just gotten bit by a zombie to look at the flowers so she wouldn’t see as Carol shot her in the head. The two of you were horrified by the scene but strangely couldn’t stop laughing after it. You were not laughing now.

    “Okay, too soon for a laugh maybe,” Nexus added. You rolled your eyes and continued trying to find your center. You learned that most people went their entire lives with panic attacks, and it wasn’t something you outgrew. You were over it.

    After almost ten minutes, your breathing returned to somewhat normal and your thoughts were less erratic. Nexus turned off the water in the tub and turned to you.

    “You need a bath; it’ll help. Come on.”

   She helped you down off the sink and then walked out the door as you stripped and climbed in the steaming hot water. You sighed, closed your eyes, and sunk deeper into the water. A few moments later, you heard Nexus’ footsteps.

    “Just what the doctor ordered, a stiff drink.”

    You looked and saw she held the bottle of rum out to you. You smiled, seeing the brand of the most potent rum you’d ever had in your life. You took it and quickly took a few gulps. It burned like a son of a bitch, but you didn’t care.

    “Yeah, you get some alone time with Wray & Nephew, and I’ll be the sober adult in case Ella wakes up. Take your time.”

    That was the last thing you heard before you drowned your sorrows and any coherent thoughts.

   ~~~~~~~~~~~

-Chris-

   “She’s in LA. She’s in LA. She. Is. In. LA!”

    He’d barely moved from the makeup chair since “cut” was called for the day. He couldn’t think and move at the same time, so he just sat there and thought about everything. Not only events from the last few hours but years ago. He was so useless after seeing her that when he went back to filming, he forgot or flubbed most his lines, dropped or fumbled props necessary to the scene or flat out zoned out. It was a mess; he was a mess. The director had no choice but to call cut early.

   “What the hell is wrong with you?”

    He shook his head and looked to see Anthony standing there with his arms crossed, waiting for an answer. He took a deep breath in and stood.

    “Nothing. Let’s get out of here.”

   He walked past him and led the way through the set to the parking area. As he approached his car, he patted himself down, looking for his keys. When he couldn’t find them, he groaned and dropped his head back.

    “Missing something?”

    Anthony shook his head and nudged it signaling him to come.

    “I got you. Come on.”

    He walked to the passenger side of Anthony’s fancy McLaren. Anthony revved the engine with a broad smile spread across his face. Once he got inside the car, Anthony sped off not caring about any speed limit. They drove in silence, and Chris was grateful for it. Silence meant he could think and put into some sense what was happening. He never expected to see you again. He hoped he would, but never expected. His mind jumped to the night in the restaurant when he swore he saw you based off a tattoo; he began to think that it was really you. He’d thought time and time again what he would say if he did see you again, and each time he thought about it; his selections were different. Once it was a cool “hey.” Another time it was a cocky “Couldn’t stay away, huh,” several times it was no words at all and just stripping you right then and there, and more times than not it was silence pretty similar to earlier.

   “At least I said her name.”

    Before he knew it, Anthony turned off the engine in front of his house. He sighed out and rubbed his forehead, not sensing Anthony’s eyes on him. He could feel the headache pounding away behind his eyes and knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night. He groaned loudly and dropped his head back.

    “I was going to give this to you as a birthday gift, but it looks like you need it now. So, let’s take it inside, crack it open, and by the time you pour your third glass, you spill what’s got you so stressed,” Anthony proposed.

    He sighed again but didn’t protest. He needed a drink.

Once they got inside, they got comfortable on one of the couches in front of the cliff at the back of his house. The view was the selling point, and he was grateful for it on nights his thoughts got the better of him. He quickly downed one glass dark whiskey and then a second just as quickly. He slowly nursed the third, but Anthony didn’t pressure him to speak. He didn’t know why he’d never told him; he was by far closest to him and Seb than any others in this town but he’d kept this part secret. He felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket and took it out to see Lita’s name across the screen. He groaned again and gulped down the rest of the whiskey then poured another.

    “Slow down you’ll regret it tomorrow,” Anthony cautioned.

    “Shit after what I’ve been through I should know better than to touch alcohol ever again.”

    “What does that mean?”

    He rubbed his face and then raked his fingers through his hair, leaving it messier than it was.  He tried to find the words for several minutes but realized there was no easy way to say it or any gentle way to break it. He snorted and laughed loudly. Anthony looked at him as if he’d lost his mind and he might have finally lost it.

    “Is this a white people thing? Y’all laugh out the blue at random shit in your head? If so that’s called schizophrenia.”

   He laughed harder and keeled over, trying to catch his breath. Finally, he stopped and took another breath.

   “Three years ago in Vegas when we went, remember?”

    Anthony nodded.

    “Well three years ago I met a woman in the casino, got drunker than I’ve ever been in my entire life and married her; then had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life to come to LA and get Sherman started on a divorce, then we had that same incredible sex again here before she disappeared with the night.” He snorted again and began laughing. “Earlier that woman—.” He couldn’t stop laughing; the humor of this finally hit him. “That woman was the woman I married in Vegas and then divorced,” he finished.

    Anthony sprang to his feet.

    “What the fuck! You lyin’!”

    Chris laughed louder.

   “Naw, you lying. What! There’s no way.”

    “I swear, hand to God.”

    Anthony stood there, gaping at him. He was shocked of course. If Anthony were the one telling him this now, he would be surprised.

    “Wow, wow, wow. Man that’s—wow!”

    He nodded and downed his fourth glass of whiskey. As he reached for the bottle again, Anthony beat him to it and poured himself another.

   “Three years ago? Man, you stayed quiet. You didn’t speak a word about this.”

   “I know. I couldn’t believe I’d been so reckless, so stupid, so---,”

   “So unpredictable. Well damn, Chris! You who plans almost everything, you who have always had a plan and a list of the woman he wants, you who does not commit, you! You!”

 He narrowed his eyes at Anthony getting the undertone of his words.

    “I mean; I mean no disrespect, but damn this is a fucking shock.”

   “I know.”

    Anthony paced in front of him as he thought about everything he’d just heard. Chris sat there with his hands steepled under his bearded chin, and he also thought about things.

    “Wait, wait. Rewind go all the way back. You said the best sex? Really? Ever?”

    “Ever man. Ev-er!” He enunciated to get his point across.

    “You mean ever three years ago right, not ever three years after.”

   “I mean ever in my life.”

   Anthony looked confused.

    “What did she do? Don’t tell me. Wow. I’m still trying to wrap my head around you having a quickie Vegas wedding with a random woman. I mean did she have anything on the list?”

    He nodded slowly. Anthony’s eyes bugged.

    “What! What did she have besides the beauty? She is gorgeous!”

    “She is. She was then, and she’s even more now.”

   He felt a tug of something he couldn’t place, but it felt similar to what he imagined regret felt like.

    “She was funny, kind, honest, down to earth, smart, spontaneous--,”

    “Spontaneous? That wasn’t on the list before,” Anthony interrupted.

    “Shit it’s on it now.”

   “Wow, and you divorced her? Why?”

    It was time for him to look at Anthony like he’d grown two heads. He couldn’t be serious.

    “You’re not serious.”

    “Of course, I’m serious. If I met a woman who was all of that which is just the tip of the iceberg I’m assuming and gave me the best sex of my life I would not be so quick to change my situation. I would have stretched it a little, saw where things led.”

    He had thought about it. When they were sitting in Sherman’s office discussing the divorce, he first thought it when she spoke up that she didn’t want any of his money or compensation for her time. He’d thought of it again at dinner watching her eat her tacos without caring what he thought or if she was cute. Then he thought about it again when he’d rolled on her in his bed and looked down into her beautiful eyes. He had thought about it.

    “I wasn’t at the right time in my life. Do you remember me three years ago? I couldn’t spell monogamy or commitment, especially with everything in my career. It would have never worked,” he said.

    “Or is that what you tell yourself?”

    He scoffed and poured another drink.

    “Okay, okay so let’s go through this like the thirty-seven-year-old adult you are. Look at this with those eyes,” Anthony suggested. He groaned because he didn’t want to. He’d avoided looking at things with his eyes.

    “Ah, you don’t want to. You’re scared.”

    “Scared? No, I am not scared. I’m a grown man; I am not scared.”

    Anthony scoffed and shook his head.

    “Damn liar! Is she the reason why you’ve literally been passing on every woman I, Scarlett, or Seb set you up with? Is she the reason you have this list? Did you create this list with all of her attributes? Are you looking for her in every woman you’ve met since?”

   Damn. This was the reason he didn’t tell him shit. Anthony was good at seeing through people and situations, he was like a damn private investigator and always got down to the bottom of things. Always. He didn’t want him getting to the bottom of his things because that meant he would have to do some serious introspection. He stood up and walked to the edge of the cliff and took a deep breath. He stared out over LA but saw none of it. He was too lost in his head.

    “She’s in LA.”

    He didn’t know how long he stood there, but he felt Anthony’s hand on his shoulder. He sighed before he spoke again.

    “Did you want to see her again?”

    “I’ve thought about her a lot. In the last few weeks, I’d started wondering more and more about her.”

    “So you want to see her again?”

    “Isn’t that weird?”

    “No. She’s your ex-wife.”

   Anthony laughed and bent over to continue laughing. Chris nodded and laughed along with him.

    “Man, I thought the day I found out you got married would be the day you got married.”

    “I know.”

    “Yo mama gonna kill you!”

    Chris snapped his head to look at his friend with a serious and terrified expression on his face.

    “Don’t you dare breathe a word.”

    Anthony zipped his lips and smiled.

    “Okay time for the Mackie Advice of the day. Ready for it?”

    He sighed and prepared for what he knew he was going to say.

    “Go ahead.”

    “Eh-em. Okay.  Go find that woman, you know her name, you know she’s in LA, use your power and find that woman.”

   He didn’t say anymore, and Chris looked to him surprised that was the end of it.

    “That’s it?”

    “What was that, more you say? Okay. Find her, tell her you fucked up three years ago. Tell her you’ve been celibate because of her and then marry her again.”

    He rolled his eyes and walked back inside the house, ensuring to grab the bottle of whiskey.

    “I don’t know why we’re friends,” he said.

    “Come on, Chris, what? I didn’t say anything wrong. I didn’t say anything you probably haven’t already thought and anything that’s not true.”

    “I have not been celibate.”

    “Really?”

    Anthony gave him a look that looked similar to those memes he’d seen of Thor with his face scrunched up. He rolled his eyes.

    “For the first almost year or so after Vegas yeah you were a real man whore, you got around but discreetly. Then after that, you became harder to get into than the MET GALA unless you had that plate fee,” Anthony pointed out.

   “I grew and learned and became selective.”

    “Of course, nothing wrong with it, but it’s still true.”

   He shook his head because while it wasn’t entirely accurate, it was close.

   “I’m gonna get up outta here but think about what I said,” Anthony said as he walked to the door.

    “Thanks for the whiskey.”

    “Don’t finish it all tonight, she looks like she likes whiskey,” Anthony said before he walked out the front door.

   Alone at last Chris looked around his home and he could literally see your ghost floating around mirroring your movements and path from your last night together. He’d followed your ghost around more times than he cared to admit. Tonight, he decided to follow it once more. He walked toward his bedroom behind the cloudy floating image of you. Once inside, he sat in the corner in the chair and watched the movie of the two of you play out again as he sipped the whiskey. He paid close attention to every touch, every kiss, every moan and paused on your smile and the last moment before you disappeared.

    He did have regrets, and he wondered if you did too.

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